


The Hasty Venture

by TheCohort



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Fem!Bofur - Freeform, Guard AU, I had an idea for a smut scene and then wrote 20k+ words of build up, Oral Sex, Sex toys/strap-on, fem!Bilbo, finally posting in honor of femslash february, happy and fluffy, occasionally I tried to add angst and it didn't work, or more like UA, what am I even doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:53:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCohort/pseuds/TheCohort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite the fact that Bilbo was most definitely not going to be leaving the Shire any time ever she found herself making odd mental notes to herself. Thoughts of what she should do if she were. She counted the miles between here and there, carefully measuring the distance with her fingers. 400 miles. Give or take.</p><p>She'd never be able to make the trip on her own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Slap in the Face and an Unexpected Introduction

Bilbo moved to stand beside her gardener Hamfast where he stood looking around her study. She handed him the tea she had offered and wrapped her hands around her own cup.

Hamfast was staring faintly at Bilbo's desk. She flushed slightly at the mess.

He gestured toward the stacks of papers."Have you ever considered getting it copied or," he waved a hand faintly, "Circulated?" he didn't seem sure of his word choice. "You could take it to one of the great libraries. Rivendell or..." he frowned, unable to think of another example.

Bilbo sighed, "I hardly think they'd be interested in my scattered notes. My observations are hardly original."

"Miss Bilbo." Hamfast said, face drawn into a deadly serious frown. "I may not be able to read so great, but you've talked me ear off about elves and their cities and battles and whatnot often enough to know you're practically an expert."

Bilbo smiled, "Well that's quite kind of you to say but I've hardly written anything cohesive. It's really just notes for my own use."

"If you travelled you'd have access to entire libraries. You could continue your research and finish it all off into a book."

Bilbo laughed. "Of all the people who could have told me to leave the Shire I never would've expected it from you, Hamfast."

He smiled sheepishly.

"But I can't go. Travelling is dangerous and I'd miss bag end terribly."

She watched the young hobbit frown into his teacup, feet shifting and teeth biting his lip. He took a deep breath, likely of courage as he readied to speak again, "Miss Bilbo. Why haven't you married? What I mean is that You're much older than me." Bilbo's eyebrows shot up, unsure where the young hobbit was going, "I'm not even an adult and I'm wanting to get married. That's just what's done in the Shire. So why haven't you?" He interrupted her when she made to speak, "and don't say ya haven't had any suitors, I perfectly remember Jimminy Proudfoot poking around here last summer trying to get your attention."

Bilbo was fairly surprised as she couldn't recall any Proudfoots visiting her last summer. "What's your point, Hamfast?"

He thought it over nodding to himself before speaking, "You can describe in detail how and when Rivendell was built but you've never been. Why stay in the Shire if you don't want to do what is done in the Shire?" he handed her his empty teacup, suddenly seeming nervous. "Thank-you for the tea. I need to go plant some cabbages."

Bilbo was silent as she watched him bow politely and leave the room. She stood, teacups in hand and lost for words. Almost unthinkingly she found herself placing the cups down on the nearest clear surface, pulling her map of middle earth from under a rather alarming stack of loose papers and spreading it across her desk, eyes landing instantly on the long stretch of the great east road.

Travel to Rivendell.

Well, it was certainly an idea.

 

II

Despite the fact that Bilbo was most definitely not going to be leaving the Shire any time ever she found herself making odd mental notes to herself. Thoughts of what she should do if she were. And though no one was going to be reading her manuscripts, she found herself tidying them up as if they were. Just in case. Because really, the mess her desk had gotten into was shameful.

It was nearly midnight on a Sunday when she found herself shuffling around her dark smial with one guttering candle and pulled the map back out. She counted the miles between here and there, carefully measuring the distance with her fingers. 400 miles. Give or take.

She'd never be able to make the trip on her own.

-

Bilbo had agonized over it for nights. Lying in bed debating with herself.

There was no one she knew in the Shire that would be willing to make the trip with her. It just wasn't done. She could not even think of any Took cousins who might be daring enough to join her. She felt half mad.

Eventually she settled on going to market and asking some of the merchants. They traded goods. Surely some of them were going at least part of the way.

They weren't.

Bilbo had purchased a rather large plum to cheer herself and sat watching the bustle of her kin. Juice dribbling down her chin and wrist as she stared into the crowd, the sweet fruit doing little to lift her spirits as she watched a fleet of children babbling happily about the shiny clockwork toy they were admiring, held and demonstrated by the oldest child.

It hit her like a slap to the face. She dropped her plum and stood in a rush.

It was the third week of Forelithe. Which meant Dwarves.

They travelled far for trade in the summer months. They were here. Right now. 

She quickly moved, sliding through the crowd in the direction she had seen the children coming from. She kept her eyes peeled, head turning side to side as she hoped to catch a glimpse of the dwarf traders.

When she caught sight of the stand she hurried over, standing to the side as she waited for the dwarf manning the front to finish with his customer. Bilbo stood on toe to see down the road, spotting a couple other stalls run by dwarves just ahead.

When the rather irritated looking hobbit in front of her moved on she slid into his place, smiling up at the dwarf. She took a breath, gathered her courage. "Hello. I'm wondering if you have any business to the east as I am looking to travel in that direction."

The dwarf just laughed and waved her off.

Bilbo gaped, ignoring the hands waving her away until she was physically pushed aside by the hobbit in line behind her. Well then. Bilbo stomped off to the next stall.

She approached the stall that was selling the clever clockwork toys and tried again. At least she wasn't laughed at the second time. The nice dwarf just shook his plump face, seeming genuinely sorry that he had no business to the east.

And really the third attempt was better off not mentioned because the comments of the third had left her so angry that she had kicked a leg out from under the table and caused an entire display of copper pots to topple into the grass.

Bilbo sank into the lounge chair in her living room, warm cup of tea in her hands and the weight of disappointment pushing her deep into the feather cushions.

 

III

Bilbo had just slipped into her night gown when a heavy knock came at the door. She huffed, pulling her dressing robe over her shoulders and hurrying out of her room, footsteps soon accompanied by further raps against wood.

Bilbo opened her door, surprised to find a Dwarf standing on the other side, smiling lazily into her home. "Hello, Luv." Bilbo stared, "Ah, sorry." The dwarf bowed, "Bofur, at yer service."

"Bilbo Baggins." She said hesitantly, "I'm afraid you've got the wrong house."

"Not at all." The dwarf grinned, "Had to ask around town a bit after the plucky lass asking around market for a guide but sure enough your name came up. And your residence." The dwarf stepped inside, entirely confident in their welcome. "Nice place. Quite cozy."

Bilbo sighed, shutting the door as she asked, "What exactly was it you were wanting me for?"

She flushed at the considering look the Dwarf was giving her when she turned around, brown eyes trailing her up and down. "My brother told me you came looking around for an escort east. Knows how I like to help a damsel in distress." The dwarf laughed at some joke Bilbo wasn't in on and continued, "Heard you got put in your place pretty badly by old Godun. Said somethin' about staying in the hills and having a gaggle of kids or summat." When Bilbo growled at the reminder the dwarf grinned, "Quite a temper you've got." 

"I'm sorry sir but I think you should leave." Bilbo stated, already having quite forgotten the name.

"Technically It's Ma'am." the dwarf corrected. "And I came to offer my services and escort you where need be since none of my kin seemed up to the challenge."

Bilbo softened somewhat at that but shook her head. "I'm sorry but I don't think I'll be going anywhere after all."

The dwarf looked genuinely disappointed by Bilbo's answer. "Don't tell me your going to listen to that old codger Godun."

Bilbo bit at her lip, "I meant to go to Rivendell." she said, knowing how poorly the dwarves and elves got on with one another. The dwarf shrugged. "Look, what was your name, again? 

"Bofur." the dwarf said.

"Look, Bofur, I was only looking for a company that was already going east. I'm not looking to take anyone out of their way."

Bofur waved a hand, eyes travelling around the entrance way of Bilbo's smial. "No bother. The family is headed back home after this trip to get back to the mines." She smiled, "Besides, you seem pretty well off, if it'd make you feel better you could always just pay me."

Bilbo narrowed her eyes. She had a feeling this Bofur was going to prove deceptively sneaky, though not entirely unpleasant. And she had a point. "Yes alright, fine. We can discuss this tomorrow and I'll write up a contract. If all goes well we can set to preparations after that." She pulled at the lapels of her robe, waiting for the Dwarf to show herself out. When she didn't seem to have any plans of doing so Bilbo added, "I'm going to bed now." Bofur simply gave her another of those head to toe looks and raised an eyebrow. "Would you like one of the spare bedrooms?" Bilbo finally asked.

"You have multiple spare bedrooms?" Bofur asked, surprised.

Bilbo couldn't help but smile at that, nodding as she turned to show the dwarf into her smial, "Yes, though only a couple of them are currently fit for visitors." She moved down the hall, the sound of heavy footsteps assuring her she was being followed, "I take breakfast fairly early in the morning but second breakfast is usually a couple hours after sunrise if you decide to sleep in a bit later."

Bofur gaped, "That's, um." She scratched the top of her head through her thick leather cap, "Thank you."

Bilbo waved it off, opening the door to the guest room and shrugged. "It's no problem. If you need anything I'll be just down the hall," She pointed to the doorway into her own small room and nodded, "Good night, Bofur."

Bofur nodded in return, slipping into the room with a mumbled, "G'night."

Bilbo watched the door close and moved to her own room, already considering what all would have to be added to the contract and trying not to worry about having a stranger in the house. She tended to think for an hour or so before she ever fell asleep. If she was lucky she'd have the majority of the first draft planned by the morning. If she was unlucky she'd spend the entire night worrying.

She hung her dressing gown onto the hook on the door and slipped into bed, trying to fight the rising excitement in her belly, face stretching into a smile in her failed efforts. Her mind drifted to the journey, stomach doing another funny anticipatory flip at the thought.

Bilbo sighed; She had a feeling she wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.

 

IV

The next morning was rather hectic for Bilbo. Not hectic by human reckoning, but for a hobbit she had found herself quite busy.

Bilbo woke at sunrise to begin her day, dressed herself in the tweed vest that made her feel particularly scholarly, wrapped a shawl around her shoulders to ward off the morning chill and set herself to work, drinking tea as she made a small pot of porridge for breakfast.

After enjoying a hearty bowl of the porridge, which after she had prepared it how she liked was more accurately a bowl of honey, nuts, and butter with some warm grains mixed into it, she sat in the garden for a morning smoke. Bilbo watched idly as her neighbours woke and began bustling about their homes and gardens, beginning their day with the rest of the Shire. After dumping her ashes and escaping the curious gaze of old Mr. Hogget Bilbo pulled a sheet of scrap paper from her desk and began drafting what would hopefully make for a passable contract.

-

By the time Bofur shuffled into the dining room in her stocking feet and her overcoat missing Bilbo had finished a rough draft of the contract and set out a full second breakfast of brown bread with clotted cream and honey, poached eggs, thick bacon, both fried potatoes and fried tomatoes, sliced peaches, and a small pot of rich coffee.

Bilbo may have gone a tad bit overboard, but she so rarely had guests over in the mornings that she wasn't quite sure what was expected. Judging by the wide eyed stare Bofur was giving the table Bilbo surmised she might have greatly overestimated what was expected of her.

Bofur shook her head and moved to the table, pouring herself a cup of coffee first and then grabbing a plate from the stack Bilbo had left out, loading it up with a good deal of everything. "Not that I'm complainin'," she said as she sat down, "But I'd have been fine with toast and jam."

"I've got jam if you'd like some." Bilbo suggested. Bofur simply shook her head and began eating.

Bilbo hummed as she helped herself to another slice of bread, taking delicate bites as she read through her draft. Technically it was fine, but it was really quite an odd situation to manage on paper. She sighed lightly. "I meant to tell you, I'm not sure how long I'll be staying in Rivendell once I've gotten there. I was hoping to do some research in their library and it could take a while."

"It's fine." Bofur mumbled around a mouthful of tomato and bacon, "I'll just stay there till yer finished."

"I wouldn't mind the company seeing as everyone there will be so much larger than I, but I'm not sure I'll be able to pay you for the entire stay." she shuffled the papers into order and held them out.

Bofur frowned, eyes tired as she looked at the papers warily from over her coffee mug. She took a careful sip and then said, "Read it to me." Bilbo pulled her hand back, mouth opening to respond before Bofur added, "It's too early to nod along and pretend I know more than five letters of Westron."

Bilbo nodded slowly, cleared her throat and began reading. Bofur raised a hand for her to stop after just the first paragraph. "That's all very nice and fancy but just tell me what you want me to do and how much you were planning to pay me."

Bilbo wanted to snap at the dwarf's rudeness but the rather apologetic smile stopped her tongue. She gave a soft smile of her own and scanned the draft. "Well," she said, "Really I'm just looking for someone to help me navigate and maybe help keep me from being bothered by unsavoury types." At Bofur's raised eyebrow she rolled her eyes. "Men." she clarified. Bofur grinned happily at that and waved for her to continue. "I've never travelled before so I mostly need someone who knows how to live on the road and can protect me from danger." She shrugged, "And I'm willing to pay three silver pieces per day and an eight ounce bag of gold upon return to the shire"

Bofur promptly spat her coffee across the table and gaped.

"What?" Bilbo asked.

"That's, uh," Bofur's tongue seemed to trip over itself for a moment before she said, "Generous. Unless you're planning to stay in Rivendell for several months and put me to work in some way the entire stay I fear you'll be overpaying me. Rather a lot."

Bilbo frowned down at the parchment in hand, "two silver a day."

Bofur gave a slightly hysterical laugh and nodded, "Yeah, that's a bit better."

"Any lower and I'd feel like a slave-driver." Bilbo made a note on the top sheet.

Bofur counted the numbers out, only guessing at the time it'd take for the trip to Rivendell but still surprised by the numbers. "You don't want to be carrying all that silver on the road. Just pay me in full at the end."

"Are you sure?"

"What am I going to do with all that on the road anyway? We really only need to bring enough for inns. Which doesn't even require silver. Copper coins is all we'll need." She paused to think it over, "And there are only two inns on that stretch of road."

This was apparently news to Bilbo; it was her turn to gape. "Only two? But the trip will take us fifteen days at least!"

Bofur snorted, "twenty."

Bilbo seemed to crumple into her seat at that and Bofur leant forward hastily, hands out patting the hobbit's forearms in what she hoped was a comforting way. When Bilbo simply groaned something about being under prepared and a fool Bofur grabbed the parchment and pen from her hands and dramatically signed her name to the bottom. "When were you wanting to leave?" She asked.

"Tomorrow." Bilbo mumbled.

Bofur hummed and glanced around the room. "Let's aim for tomorrow's tomorrow." Bilbo looked up with a frown. "After breakfast I'll help you put together a list of what we'll need and we can begin packing. If we're not ready to leave by tomorrow morning we'll shoot for the morning after that." She watched as the hobbit's eyes seemed to lighten, looking to her left and flicking back and forth as if she were already reading an imaginary list, "Does that sound good?"

Bilbo gave a distracted yes before signing her name neatly beneath Bofur's blocky signature with a grin.


	2. Attempted Shovel Discussions

After breakfast the two sat down in Bilbo's study to begin planning. By the time Bofur had finished dictating the list of what she personally would have taken for a journey half the size of the one they were taking Bilbo had added ponies to the list, fully aware that Bofur meant to carry all those things but knowing she personally was not nearly so able. They had both agreed to keep the packing as light as possible with the plan to fully stock themselves when they arrived in Bree.

Even with this in mind the list Bilbo held in hand was rather long. She skimmed the parchment, glad she already had at least half of the things they would need for the trip to Bree. She set the list aside and made to prepare tea, Bofur following her into the kitchen to watch.

The matter of how much food to bring was still unsettled between the two; Bilbo refusing to settle for just three meals a day and Bofur unable to believe that Hobbits genuinely required as much food as they ate, though she had begun to re-evaluate her stance on the matter when Bilbo's stomach had started to grumble just an hour after they had eaten second breakfast together.

When they had both finished their tea and cakes Bilbo showed Bofur to one of the larger storage rooms. Together they sorted through the surprisingly disorganized collection to gather any rucksacks and satchels they could find, dragging them into the parlour. They had also found a sturdy trunk that would keep Bilbo's manuscripts and notes safe from the elements; It was while they were carrying the trunk out into the parlour, each woman grasping a handle on either end, that Hamfast Gamgee entered the home and then stood in silence watching them.

Bofur simply ignored him while Bilbo gave a polite "Hello, Hamfast" and then led the trunk around a corner.

Hamfast followed after them, mouth agape as he took in the state of the usually tidy room and watched the heavy chest thunk onto the worn rug beside an odd pile of canvas bags. "Is everything all right here?" he asked hesitantly.

"Hmm?" Bilbo asked as she wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead, "Ah, yes. Well I've been giving what you said last week some thought and I've decided to seriously consider it. Which is to say I've decided to visit Rivendell." She noticed his curious gaze and gave a start. "Yes, right, where are my manners? This is Bofur. Bofur this is my gardener Hamfast Gamgee. 

Bofur turned from the amused glance she was giving Bilbo to nod to Hamfast. "At yer service." she said in a voice pitched lower than she usually spoke.

"Bofur's offered to escort me to Rivendell." Bilbo explained.

Hamfast grabbed Bilbo lightly by the arm and tugged her in the direction of the hall. "Can I talk to you in private for a moment."

Bilbo nodded as he pulled her down the hall and into the kitchen.

He wrung his hands as he whispered, "Are you sure about this Miss Bilbo? I stand by what I said before but are you sure you want to go wandering off with this strange dwarf?" he took a breath. "Alone." he emphasized. Before Bilbo had a chance to respond Hamfast had another thought. "How do you know he's safe?" this question he asked with a final and pointed flail of his arms.

Bilbo's face softened into a smile. "It's nice of you to worry. But I think there's nothing to be concerned about. At least not what you're thinking." It wasn't hard to guess at Hamfast's main concern as it was the one she herself had worried over all too often before she had decided to take the trip. "I've had a night to get to know Bofur and I don't think he'll be a problem." She tried to emphasize the word "he" meaningfully with a nod but it only resulted in Hamfast's face twisting into an expression of scandalized horror. Bilbo replayed her words in her mind. "Oh, bother it. I'm probably not meant to say this but Bofur is not a male."

Hamfast's eyes lit with curious interest. "Oooooh." he crooned. He frowned and seemed to think it over then smiled, "Good. I'd never like to leave the shire but if you hadn't found anyone to travel with I would have been obliged to offer."

Bilbo couldn't help but smile at that. From Hamfast it really was a generous offer. "Thank-you my friend, but I think you'd be better suited to staying here to watch Bag-end. I just need you to keep relatives out and manage the garden. You may of course take any vegetables home with you for the family."

Hamfast grinned and pulled Bilbo into a impulsive hug, only to leap away a moment later when a low throat clearing seemed to buzz through the room. The two hobbits turned to see Bofur leaning against the doorway to the kitchen with an old teapot in hand. "Think this is durable enough for the trip?" She asked, letting the teapot hang by its handle from one finger.

Bilbo rushed forward to grab the teapot, an indignant "Absolutely not!" bursting from her lips as she moved into the hall to return it to its rightful place. "This is an antique!" she shouted back into the kitchen.

Hamfast watched all this in a slight daze, uncomfortable beneath the dwarf's unreadable stare. Whatever the dwarf's opinion of him he felt the need to speak. "You'd best keep her safe, d'you understand?" He shifted nervously as the dwarf crossed her arms and looked him over from head to toe, eyebrows raising the longer she stared.

He nodded jerkily and hastily left, "I'll be in the garden!" he shouted as the door closed loudly behind him.

-

When Bilbo returned she found Hamfast gone and Bofur eating one of the leftover cakes from tea as she picked through the supplies they had gathered so far, organizing them into piles based on a criteria Bilbo couldn't guess.

"I think you scared my gardener."

Bofur straightened her back and grinned. "Meant to do that."

Bilbo just rolled her eyes and moved to stand beside the dwarf. She frowned at the piles of stuff that had accumulated across her floor. "We should really see about getting some ponies."

The ponies themselves proved to be a bit of a problem. Farmer Maggot was only willing to part with two of his ponies despite the alarming amount of coin Bilbo seemed willing to pay and they weren't the best looking steeds by any measure. In the end they settled for those two ponies, planning to load them with the supplies and walk beside them until they got to Bree and its stables.

Finding somewhere to put the ponies had been a bit of a trick as they hadn't fit within the fenced patch of Bilbo's lawn but they managed to find an old free standing post on the side of the hill where they could be tied up for the night. Bilbo quickly took to visiting the ponies when she left the house to have a smoke, quickly finding the chestnut pony Myrtle to be quite affectionate and silently claiming the pony as her own.

They were eating luncheon, planning to head to market after to purchase what they hadn't been able to find in Bilbo's stores, when Bilbo finally let herself ask a question that had been bothering her since that morning. "When Hamfast was visiting earlier I noticed you acted a bit more masculine." It wasn't exactly what she had wanted to say but it got the point across. "Was there a particular reason?"

Bofur seemed confused by the question. She chewed her food slowly and frowned at Bilbo. She finally swallowed and gave a small laugh. "Habit I suppose. It's a useful skill to have. It probably wasn't necessary on yer wee little gardener but sometimes ye can't get taken seriously otherwise. I generally go about all my travelling with the ruse."

Bilbo tried to imagine spending her days pretending to be a male. "Doesn't that bother you?"

Bofur gave another, this time more genuine, laugh. "Well it's not like it takes much effort when I'm not back home. Slight shift of my voice and call it good. I usually don't have to do even that much." She grinned. "Plus, I think it might be a bit different between Dwarves and Hobbits. It's not all so clear cut. I'm hardly a man but I don't often think of myself as a woman either."

"So why tell me you were?"

"You would've pushed me out if I hadn't." Bofur shrugged with a wink. "And It's not a lie. Just left some details out. But I will probably play up the masculinity, as you say, around others."

"Alright." Bilbo nodded, "I'll try to keep all that in mind."

Bofur cocked an eyebrow and gave her a funny crooked smile. "Honestly it shouldn't effect you all too much."

Bofur of course had been right. Bilbo practically forgot the conversation as they dodged suspicious looks through town and filled a spare wheelbarrow with treated canvas tarpaulin, a new wood axe, dried foods, and a couple extra water-skins.

When Mrs. Bagshot selling tomatoes asked Bilbo who here charming friend was she didn't even think before saying "This is Bofur, he's helping me with some business abroad."

"That's nice dear." Mrs. Bagshot had replied. "I hope you won't be going too far, it's dangerous out there for us among those big folk. 

Bilbo had hummed as she selected a heavy vine of spicy green tomatoes to use in the stew for supper. "Yes, well that's why I've hired him." she paid quickly and turned back to the wheelbarrow, eyeing Bofur's crossed arms and amused smile as she pressed the tomatoes between a large bag of cured beef jerky and a bag of almonds. "Something wrong?"

Bofur just shook her head and grabbed the barrow handles. "Anything else?"

Bilbo eyed the pile of supplies. "Probably." She felt suddenly tired as she thought of how heavy the wheelbarrow likely was. She shook her head. "Let's head back."

"Yes ma'am." Bofur teased cheerfully. "Lead the way."

 

II

They continued in this way throughout the evening and the next day, eating everything they could from Bilbo's pantry while they slowly pulled everything together. Bofur showed Bilbo how to pack a pony to keep the weight evenly distributed and with everything packed and laid out in the entrance way, including Bilbo's nice cast iron cookware stacked and packed with other daily tools, Bofur convinced Bilbo to a night at the pub to celebrate.

While Bofur made it clear she was craving a drink and the environment itself Bilbo was mostly hoping for a real meal, not looking forward to making due with only leftovers the night before such a big day.

Bilbo, who tended to prefer her own company in the evening, had quite forgotten the loud clamour of the pub and the heavy food they served. It was hardly past dark when they got to the pub and the place was already busy. They managed to get a small table against the right wall. Bilbo watched, faintly bemused, as Bofur managed to draw their order out into an entire six minute conversation with an equally surprised Susie Cotton. When she finally left to get their drinks Bilbo shook her head. "You're just so..." She didn't even know.

Bofur grinned, "What?"

"I'll let you know when I've figured it out."

Susie Cotton returned with their drinks, leaving with a giggle when Bofur said, "Thanks, luv."

"Ah yes." Bilbo sighed, "A flirt. That's it."

Bofur didn't seem at all insulted. "Sounds about right." She gave Bilbo a wink. "Though I will do my best to control myself while we travel." She hefted her mug of mead. "Cheers."

Bilbo nodded and raised her glass. "Cheers." She agreed though she did not follow Bofur's example and drink the entire glass in one long pull.

The less said about the food the better. It was decent in the way that pub food is, repulsive if you think about it for a moment too long but absolutely delicious as you're eating it.

The plates were cleared and Bilbo was nearing the end of her second glass of mead, Bofur on her third, when a cry of Bilbo's name had her groaning softly and waving vaguely to the door. Bofur turned to watch the two approaching hobbits, each grinning as they sauntered over. "Well isn't this a surprise." The nearest hobbit said, "What're you doing all the way out here?"

Bilbo huffed, the pub wasn't _that_  unusual. "Celebrating actually. This is my friend Bofur, Bofur these are my cousins Flambard and Sigismond Took."

"Hello." the second hobbit, Sigismond Bofur supposed, said when he reached the table. "What're we celebrating?"

Bilbo hesitated just a moment before saying, "I've decided to do some research in Rivendell. We leave tomorrow morning actually."

Flambard seemed particularly thrilled about this news. "Bilbo Baggins, runnin' off with a dwarf. What would old Bungo say?"

"I think he'd be proper speechless." Sigismond replied. The two hobbits grinned at one another, "Let us buy the next round." He slapped his palm to the table, "What're you drinking?"

When they answered that they were both having mead he rushed off to fill the order and Flambard pulled up a seat beside Bilbo. "So, Bofur was it? What's got you going to Rivendell with my cousin?"

Bofur finished her drink and shrugged. "Business."

"Oh yeah? What do you do?"

"Well I suppose I'm a travel guide. Last week I was a toy maker. A month ago I was a miner, which was horrible and what I was lookin' at returnin' to before Bilbo hired me." She raised her glass like a toast, "Pretty excited all things considered. Never been that far East. Y'know how it is; Most the caravans prefer to avoid the elves."

Flambard nodded, "Never thought about goin' that far from home myself. Though I can see the appeal." He nudged Bilbo with an elbow. "Never expected Bilbo to leave either. That Baggins influence sure did a number on you." He turned back to Bofur, holding his hand over his mouth as if to whisper a secret then loudly saying "I tell you honest she used to run around with a fake sword, attackin' trees pretending they were trolls. Practically gave old Bungo a heart attack when she ran away to try and visit the elves. Disappeared for an entire day."

Bilbo groaned and stood, not wanting to be reminded of the silly games she had played as a child. "I'm going to help Sigismond with the drinks."

Flambard grinned as she left, watching her go until she was out of hearing range. He leant forward, face suddenly serious and pointed a short finger at Bofur. "Now you listen. I don't know why she's taking you along but I know your name and face now and if you hurt her in any way I'll find you and make it right."

Bofur felt vaguely bemused. "You do realise I've been hired to keep her safe, aye? I'm not likely to be paid if I injure her myself now am I? She's too smart to let anyone get away with summat like that."

Flambard seemed to consider that and then nodded, Grinning when a tall tankard of ale was placed in front of him and Bilbo returned to her seat beside him and Sigismond seating himself beside Bofur. Flambard raised his tankard, "To the lovely lady. May she raise a great scandal in her leaving and liven this place up a bit." Bilbo simply buried her face in her hands as the other three clanked their cups together and gave great shouts, "To Bilbo!"

Bilbo was just relieved she had already had enough to drink to be rather closer to drunk than she was accustomed, otherwise her feigned embarrassment might have been genuine.

Having said his piece Flambard seemed to find Bofur to be simply the best company, and it wasn't long before Bofur, Sigismond, and he were all singing tavern songs. And when the two hobbits switched to songs that hadn't spread beyond the Shire Bofur had whipped out a whistle from her coat and joined them in an improvised tune.

When the two Tooks stood on the table to dance, dragging Bilbo up beside them the whistle sputtered and squeaked with Bofur's laughter.

Bilbo, now drunk well beyond the point where she would usually stop, decided to stop that laughter with an impressive show of skipping twirls and stomps. When Bofur began playing a lively reel Bilbo and Sigismond managed to link arms and spin without either of them falling from the table, though if you asked in the morning they wouldn't be able to say how they had managed it.

By the time they had reached home and crawled into their beds Bilbo's ears were ringing so loudly she wasn't sure she would hear the rooster's call come morning.

 


	3. The Hangover [an interlude]

They had stumbled out of the smial just before noon, heads ringing and the earth still trying to buck out from beneath their feet. Bilbo hadn't felt this horrible after drinking since she was young and first allowed to drink with the adults in the pub. She thought back and recalled that she had only ever gotten truly drunk when she had gone out to the pub with her cousins. She groaned at the thought and continued walking.

Though Bofur had drank a fair bit more than Bilbo had she seemed cheerful for most of the morning. Though it was clear she was suffering of over-drink in some way from the lack of conversation through breakfast.

Once they had gotten outside Bofur had perked up. Bilbo, who was still feeling ill at the time, hated it.

Bofur had simply eyed the hobbit's sullen exterior and announced that there was no better cure for ale-sickness than a brisk 20 mile walk. Bilbo declared the dwarf misguided and did her best to ignore Bofur and keep her feet moving one in front of the other.

Bilbo may have been more willing to admit to the dwarf that she had been right if her vision had not decided to play tricks on her just as she was beginning to feel better. They must have been walking for an hour and a half when they took their first break. As Bilbo stood still on the path she swore she could see the trees twisting and rushing toward her in a blurred bubble. She blinked and they'd move back into place, only to begin to bubble towards her once more.

Her attention was pulled away when Bofur handed her a water skin. "Feeling any better?"

Bilbo shook her head and took a healthy swig of the cool water. "A bit, though I seem to still be a bit dizzy."

Bofur nodded and handed her a small apple. "That'll be the tunnel vision. You get used to it."

Bilbo couldn't imagine why it should happen but she supposed it did look a bit like a tunnel. When they began walking once more it stopped, replaced by the now real trees passing them by and fading to the back of her mind.

The last remains of Bilbo's headache slipped away from her when they stopped and ate a full (At Bilbo's insistence) lunch and paused after to have a smoke. The food made her feel warm and the smoke made her feel loose and happy. She found herself uncharacteristically optimistic about the second half of their day. Pointing out trees that looked like they had faces and interesting patches of mushrooms.

Bofur herself gave as good as she got from Bilbo, pointing out clouds shaped like fish and horses.

By the time the sun was near to set and they stopped to make camp Bilbo had hardly had time to dwell on the ache of her calves or the tenderness of her toes.

She went to bed pleased with herself. She had left home. She was on her way to Rivendell, and if things continued in this way then adventure was looking to be a great deal more enjoyable than she had been led to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I pretty regularly found I had odd 500 word-ish scenes I wanted to add but was never sure where to put so they became little interludes like this. I'll post them the same day as the regular chapters that come before or after them. 
> 
> Fun fact: though the beginning is essentially hell, I've found that hiking gets rid of a hangover in about a half hour which is much faster than I usually manage.


	4. Royal Negotiations on the Topic of Ponies

Bilbo's first thought concerning the town of Bree was that there was not enough grass. The roads were dirt, between the houses there was dirt and most of the grass to see was grown in the animal pens, and there it was kept short by grazing cattle. Her second thought was that the buildings were tall and imposing and she felt really quite small in this town of men.

They first made arrangements at the inn for the night, both of them delighted to hear that they had beds more suited to their stature, and tethered the ponies for the night. They had a quick meal and then left to visit the local stables to acquire a couple more ponies for riding.

Upon entering the stables however, they encountered a slight problem. When the stableman set his eyes on them he immediately waved his hand in dismissal, turning back to his work. "Yeah yeah, I got it. Yer boss was already in. Din't he tell ya?" He gave a grunt as he pulled a saddle from the rafters above him.

Bofur turned to stare at Bilbo, opened her mouth, closed it, and then rolled her eyes up to glare at the ceiling. "Afraid not." She finally said, waving vaguely in Bilbo's direction. "Here she is. Not been in yet. We need some ponies."

The man turned and moved closer to get a better look, crossing his arms over his round chest to stare down at them in what was likely meant to be an intimidating way. "Yer not with those fancy dwarfs?"

"What's a fancy dwarf?" Bilbo asked softly from the side of her mouth.

"That, my dear hobbit, is an excellent question. Though we still need two riding ponies regardless of my fancy kinsmen."

The man gave a grunt. "Not sure I can swing that little master. They asked for three o' the beasts and I ain't got enough for all of ye." He hummed. "Unless you care to sweeten the deal a bit? The other bloke was a bit stingy with his gold."

Bofuur frowned. "Gold, eh?" She sighed. "No, I don't suppose we could afford that. We're not so... fancy. As you say."

She turned, urging Bilbo along to leave, shrugging at the hobbit's distressed look. "Don't worry, Luv we'll figure somethin' out."

The sun was not yet set but nearing it as they stood at the side of the road. "If I were a fancy dwarf where would I be?" Bofur muttered.

Bilbo watched eagerly, curious to hear any answer.

Bofur glanced down the main road and frowned. "Well, not in fuckin' Bree I can tell ye that much." Bilbo huffed in irritation and Bofur smiled down at her. "Apologies."

Bilbo waved it off, not really too offended. "We should head back to the Inn; surely they'll have at least passed through there. It seems to be the centre of the town."

When they had returned to the Inn Bilbo had walked up to the bar, stood upon tip toe and managed to grab the bar tender's attention with only a bit of arm waving. "Excuse me." She called up. "Have you seen any..." she paused, feeling ridiculous ridiculous, "fancy dwarves around town?"

He thought on it a moment, tugging on his own impressive moustache handles in a way Bilbo hadn't realized she had expected to see Bofur do until then. "The three lads in the blue robes and mail? With all that silver in their hair?"

"That'll be them." Bofur answered.

The barman nodded slowly. "Aye, they came in for a meal about an hour ago. Not stayin' here though. A shame really, looked like they could afford it."

Bofur nodded. "Got it." She tugged at Bilbo's sleeve. "I think I've an idea where we might be findin' them." They raced back out the door and stood once more by the side of the street. "So's the real question is whether they decided to make camp before entering Bree, or after leaving it. Any thoughts?"

Bilbo hummed and glanced down either side of the road. "Well, most of the businesses are nearer the entrance of town. It'd certainly be more convenient for them if they had made camp nearer to the town's welcome gate. It's what I would do. But then, who knows if they think the same as a hobbit."

Bofur snorted. "And then there's the matter of how far from town they set up. Or rather, how paranoid they are of being approached."

"If the men in town are to be believed they've got a lot of nice things with them. Might be afraid of being robbed in the night if they stay in town." Bilbo added.

"Alright then, let's head right and hope they're as sensible as you." Bofur said with a shrug and a forward step. "They might be pretty far out." she added.

"It's all right. I have a flint strike in my pocket if it gets to be too dark before we find them."

They set off, back down the road they'd already walked once that afternoon and kept their eyes peeled. They searched left and right for any sign of others but saw none. Only the occasional deer was flushed out by their footsteps as the sun sank ever lower behind the horizon.

In the end it had been the oncoming darkness that allowed the strange group of dwarves to be found, their campfire light flickering several dozen yards off the road after Bilbo and Bofur had been walking for what must have been an hour. They moved into the grass and walked as silently as was possible, wanting to make sure they were not approaching a group of bandits before catching sight of a young dwarf in the light of the fire and letting their footsteps fall more audibly.

Bofur waved expansively when the young dwarf looked up and rushed forward to make a hasty greeting. Bilbo hung back as Bofur explained that they meant no harm and exchanged introductions with the stern looking dwarf who seemed to be in charge. She watched with interest the way Bofur's manner changed in the presence of other dwarves. She stood on her feet more lightly and didn't bother with dropping her voice in disguise. Bilbo was distracted enough that when two young faces were suddenly grinning down at her from either side she jumped with a squeak.

Bofur and the stern dwarf turned to regard the trio. Bilbo flushed as both of the young dwarves bowed before her and then introduced themselves. "Fili." said the blonde and "I'm Kili." said the brunette. "At your service." they said together in a cheerful chorus.

Bofur grinned at Bilbo and gestured to the dwarf beside her. "This is Thorin Oakenshield. We... may have stumbled into a rather delicate situation."

Fili and Kili dragged Bilbo to the fire and sat her down, sitting across from her and smiling reassuringly. "Don't worry about it; you seem decent enough. We didn't catch your name." Fili said.

She clutched her hands into her lap. "Ah. Yes, sorry. I'm Bilbo." she smiled. "At your service."

"We've not gotten as far as we thought if we're still seeing hobbits." Kili said. "Our maps must have put Bree farther out of the way than it actually was."

"Oh no I'm sure your maps are great. Its not at all common for Hobbits to come to Bree. Though it does obviously happen from time to time." She waved a hand between herself and where Bofur was still standing with Thorin to the side. "We're travelling east."

"Eloping?" Kili asked with a bright glint in his eye.

"No!" Bilbo shouted, hand clapping to her mouth when she realized her volume. She turned her head slightly to glance toward the curious looks of Bofur and Thorin before moving her hand and lowering her voice. "No, it's nothing like that. I just wanted to visit Rivendell for research and I hired Bofur as a guard and guide."

Kili winked and nodded while Fili began filling the bowl of his pipe, ignoring the elbow to his side Kili had given him for reasons she could not discern. Must be a sibling thing. "Wouldn't mind seein' Rivendell myself, but Thorin wouldn't hear of it. Can't stand the elves." Fili added.

Bilbo was about to respond when a call of her name had her looking over her shoulder. She stood when Bofur waved her over and bowed politely to Thorin. It seemed appropriate since the dwarf was clearly of some importance.

He bowed in return and clasped his arms to his front. "Bofur says you have need of ponies but that you already have two for pack." Bilbo nodded. "Unfortunately we do require all the ponies we requested, we have pressing matters far to the north. We only detoured to Bree for the animals. I am however, willing to make a trade of sorts. I would like to help you purchase a pack horse that can carry all your supplies while you ride the ponies you have. In return I ask only the silver you had originally planned to give for the two ponies and your discretion."

"Discretion?" Bilbo asked.

"Thorin is the heir of Erebor in the far east, Fili and Kili are his nephews." Bofur explained.

"Others cannot know that I am travelling." Thorin added. "No elves. No men. No dwarves."

Bilbo nodded slowly. Rather stunned that she was in the presence of royalty. Of a sort.

Thorin smiled and nodded. "Then it is agreed. We shall meet tomorrow morning before the stables and settle it there." He held out his hand and Bilbo took it hesitantly into hers, though his hand easily engulfed her own, and shook in agreement.

Thorin turned to move to the fire, his place quickly filled by his nephews who gestured for Bilbo and Bofur to follow them. "We'll escort you back down the road for a bit." Fili said. "It's nice to see a new face once in a while." When they reached the road he glanced quickly over his shoulder and then leant over Bilbo. "Do you have any food on you?"

"Thorin's cooking is horrible." Kili said with a pout.

That got a hearty laugh from Bofur and an apologetic shake of the head from Bilbo. "I do not, I'm sorry. There's plenty at the inn but we're an hour out of town. Bit of a trip just for a snack." She gave the disappointed young dwarves a pat on the shoulder and added, "Perhaps I'll bring something for you tomorrow morning."

Kili gave a happy cheer and Fili smiled around his pipe.

In the morning Bilbo did indeed make up what Bofur refused to call anything but a care-package full of cheeses, a couple different bread loaves, apples and oranges for the three dwarves. Fili and Kili had been proper pleased, taking an apple each before they had even entered the stables. The stableman had been willing to part with one of his older pack horses in exchange for more gold. The great Clydesdale was quite frankly terrifying, and as the stableman looked down on the group of five just able to reach the beast's belly he threw in a step ladder free of charge. The horse himself also received an apple and proved to be friendly, nudging his nose into Bilbo's palm.

"What's his name?" She asked as an afterthought once the stableman had demonstrated how to use the harness on the horses back and they had gotten everything set and packed up.

The stableman laughed. "Ah, that's old Backfat Bill."

Bilbo was relieved to see she wasn't the only one who looked offended on behalf of the horse. "Backfat?"

"Aye." the man nodded. "Din't name him meself, though I imagine it's ta do with all that bulk in his shoulders. All muscle mind you, but it doesn't always look that way."

"We could call him Mackvad." Bofur suggested. "Its... kind of close."

"Machvad." Kili said, making the hard 'k' sound a rough growl. Like that it actually sounded like a fairly impressive name.

The man was looking down at them with a bemused frown. "He should respond to Bill just fine."

They led Bill out of the stable and into the road. He followed easily and seemed happy to graze on a lovely patch of tulips while they saddled their ponies and made to ride out of Bree.

They bid the three dwarves farewell and wished them luck, though they were still not sure as to what they were planning. Fili grinned in return. "You never know." he said, "We might see you again."

"Aye, who's to say we won't manage to convince Thorin to let us stop in Rivendell for a visit?" Kili asked.

Bilbo shook her head and fought a grin. "Get out of here you two. Get on with your important secret business." They laughed and waved, doing just that.

Bilbo waved them off in return. She turned Myrtle to the side and smiled at Bofur. Who nodded. "Ready to go?" Bofur asked.

"Yes I rather think I am. I've had enough of this big town." She ran a hand through the soft hair in front of her and nudged the pony forward ahead.

This isn't so hard, she thought. She had always preferred to walk but the feel of an animal beneath her, especially one so friendly, surrounded her with a warm feeling of companionship.

Yes. She was certainly going to enjoy riding her way to Rivendell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know guys my brain got caught on the term "fancy dwarves" and just found it hilarious, and since I have no qualms about laughing at my own jokes I ran with it.


	5. Home Remedies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-read/edited this chapter one too many times and now I'm not sure about it so I dunno just take it.

Bilbo hated horseback riding. Pony-back riding. Whatever it was called she was miserable. Her legs ached and the saddle pressed uncomfortably between her legs. She felt always as if she had a great need to relieve herself only to find when they took their break that she couldn't.

From the pitying looks that Bofur gave her whenever she shifted too obviously it was probably normal for a new rider, but Bofur was clearly not having the same problem. She seemed fairly at ease atop her own pony. Bilbo tried not to be jealous, obviously it would get better, but really she just wanted to get her feet back on the solid ground and simply continue on foot.

When they stopped that night to make camp Bilbo ached so badly for a hot bath that she could have cried. Though she didn't. Bofur had been so encouraging all day she didn't want to worry the dwarf any further. She did not, however, complain when Bofur offered to cook supper that night. She sat as close to the fire as she could stand, warming her legs and sitting as still as possible while she watched Bofur throw together a simple lentil soup.

Bilbo had set her bowl aside when Bofur gave her a serious look. "You know, yer doin' it backwards. You should keep your legs cool for a while before you start trying to ease the ache with heat."

Bilbo groaned. "But it feels better this way." She rubbed faintly at her thighs and pouted faintly. "Are you sure that's right?"

"Couldn't usually afford a doctor back home. Learned all the tricks of self treatment pretty early. Cold first keeps the swelling down in the beginning and then heat later brings blood for faster healing."

Bilbo huffed, that sounded about right actually. "Where does the massage come in?" She asked jokingly.

Bofur grinned. "Whenever you want." Bilbo gaped and Bofur let her smile fall softer. "But I was serious about keeping it cool. There was that pond we passed on the way out here. Not too far if you wanted to take a quick dip."

"Certainly not! It's a bit early in the year for swimming, I think. The water will be freezing."

"Whatever gets the job done."

Bilbo was not going to swim in any ponds after dark. She turned to stare pointedly into the fire and ignore Bofur's all too convincing smile. If she were home a fire like this would also mean a soft armchair with roasting sausages and hazelnuts propped up through the grate. She sighed wistfully and smiled at the thought.

"Copper for your thoughts?" Bofur asked, right into Bilbo's ear. She jumped away, wincing when it jolted her sore muscles and glared in response at the persistent dwarf, who simply glanced down at Bilbo's legs knowingly.

Bilbo stood, slowly and stiffly, and gestured angrily for Bofur to do the same. "Yes, alright. I'm miserable. Let's go try your silly idea."

And that's how Bilbo found herself wandering slowly through the tall grass looking for a pond which when found proved to be just as cold as she had feared. Dipping just her toes in had her breaking into goosebumps and staring at the sky in exasperation. The sky only winked stars down on her. She took a breath of courage and began unbuttoning the fronts of the trousers beneath her wool cover dress. She glared up at where Bofur was laying stomach down on one of the large boulders along the shore. "Do you mind?"

Bofur turned her head to look down at Bilbo, chin still propped in her hand as she gave a lazy yawn. "I'm just doin' my job. Can't hardly see nothing anyway."

Bilbo wasn't fooled by the dwarf's wording and only furrowed her brows. Bofur gave a grunt and rolled onto her back to stare at the sky.

Bilbo slipped the trousers and leggings down, carefully and slowly stepping out of them before bending down to pick them up and set them aside on another dry stone. She grit her teeth and steeled her nerves before taking the first step in, exhaling sharply through her nose and then taking the second step. Four more steps in and her feet were beginning to feel a bit numb. Bilbo supposed Bofur had a point in the pain relieving merits of cold. If Bofur meant of course that it removed all feeling good and bad.

Bilbo grabbed up her skirts around her waist and took another hesitant step forward. The mud beneath her feet was starting to feel slimy and she was terrified that if she took a wrong step she would simply fall and add to her pain.

She did not go too far into the lake, only a couple yards, before she found a submerged stone to sit down on. Though her knees protested the motion and the cold was starling against the warm skin between her legs the cold water quickly soothed the ache in her muscles as Bofur had said it would.

Bilbo sat there, feet and bum gone numb from the cold, holding her skirt to her chest and out of the water as best she could for as long as she could stand. After the first couple minutes the sound of Bofur's flute had drifted over the water to keep her company as she sat.

It was to a lively Jig that Bilbo finally pulled herself standing, knees protesting less now, and marched back to shore, her skirts dropping around her calves when she reached dry land. She didn't bother to pull her underclothes back on after retrieving them and her skin was mostly dry by the time they had returned to camp.

Bilbo huddled close to the fire, now for warmth rather than pain relief, and listened as Bofur continued her playing. She watched Bofur's fingers fly up and down the flute, fluttering over the keyholes skilfully. It was really quite impressive. Bilbo wondered briefly if Bofur knew any sad songs. Bilbo couldn't imagine something slow and melancholy coming from that flute or those hands.

They were actually quite nice hands. Bilbo remembered suddenly her joke about a massage earlier and laughed. She then thought 'well why not?'

"So can I get that massage now or should I wait a bit?"

An upper register "a" went sharp and turned to a screech before Bofur pulled the flute away from her mouth to stare at Bilbo.

"Too soon?" Bilbo asked. "Should I wait for the muscles to warm back up first?"

Bofur tucked the flute back into her jacket and gave a short head shake. "It should be fine if you really want one."

Suddenly Bilbo didn't find the idea so funny. Though, it would be nice.

She stood and went to stand in front of Bofur, not entirely sure what to do. Bofur just laughed. "I don't bite. Promise." She grabbed a handful of Bilbo's skirt to tug her closer. "And this was your idea, in case ye need reminding."

Bilbo couldn't help but smile at that. It was a fair point. She frowned when Bofur placed her hands on Bilbo's waist and spun her around to face the fire.

"Can't have you staring at me. It'll put me off." Bofur explained.

Bilbo gave a rude snort and let herself relax. Though it was really more of a mild, full body ache by this point Bofur seemed only interested in rubbing her hips and the outsides of her thighs. Which was fine. Anywhere else might be a bit too personal but Bilbo couldn't help but ask why.

"That's just where it hurts the worst the following day. Hopefully this'll help some but it won't be much."

"I don't suppose there's a way I could sit down while we did this?" Bilbo mused.

Bilbo's face burned hot when Bofur pulled her back to sit on the ends of her knees. It was rather embarrassing enough without the sudden reminder that she wasn't wearing anything beneath her skirts.

Bofur huffed. "Gods yer a skittish one aren't ye? Relax. I'm too tired to try anything." She seemed to pause a moment after that, hands on Bilbo's thighs and body still behind her. "Not that I would otherwise." Bofur amended.

Bilbo suddenly found herself biting down laughter, a good deal of which was not suppressed. She clapped her hands over Bofur's, squeezing them gently before pulling them away and standing. She smiled down at the dwarf. "I think we are both far too tired to still be awake."

Bofur smiled back gratefully. "Mm. Sounds about right." She let Bilbo pull her from her seat when the hobbit offered her hand. "Getting back on the horse always takes it out of me."

"Yes, I can finally see why. Hadn't expected sitting for hours on end could be so much work." Bilbo said, lowering herself onto her bed roll. "Good night, Bofur."

"Good night, Miss Bilbo. Don't let the bed bugs bite, eh?"

"Don't even joke." Bilbo muttered, burrowing beneath the blankets.

Bofur laughed, wishing her sweet dreams before Bilbo heard the dwarf flop down into her own bedding.


	6. Sweet Dreams [An Interlude]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING  
> Not sure if it warrants one but since this isn't an m/f fic I thought I'd warn for het-sex in this chapter just in case. Also subconscious misgendering. 
> 
> It's vague and short so I dunno, have fun!?

The hot breath against Bilbo's neck was a sharp contrast to the cold air, made colder by the hot flush covering her body. It almost felt nice, a bite of chill to keep her grounded as the hot pulse between her legs increased with each lick and kiss down her neck. She felt a bit dizzy, sure that without the cold air she would feel drunk.

She gasped as rough fingers pushed through the curls between her legs, sliding between slick fold of flesh and circling in an out until she was so aroused she could feel the air cooling on moisture halfway down her thighs. She groaned as two fingers split within her. She had hardly realized she had said anything aloud until the warm body above her was agreeing to her demands of more and long thick heat was taking the place of fingers and pushing impossibly deep into her.

Warm lips covered her own and those rough hands moved to rub her hips. Bilbo sighed and grinned against a bristly mustache. She wrapped her arms around the shoulders above her and moaned at the thrust of hips between her legs. Shuddering and clenching around the hot length inside her when a particularly hard thrust hit her just right. She wrapped her legs around the waist above her, legs tightening at the continued roll and thrust.

She ached all over but she felt too good to stop. She gasped, peaking hard around the solid body above her.

She let her head fall back to the pillow, enjoying the continued thrust inside as her partner finished. She grinned up at Bofur, giggling when he winked back and let himself fall to her side. She looked over at his closed eyes, mouth parted to take in deep breaths. He really was quite good looking.

Bilbo frowned. Suddenly that didn't seem right. Everything felt a bit wrong and she could feel herself being pulled from the dizzy cold fog and awake.

Bilbo blinked up at the stars, thighs slippery beneath her skirts and shame hot on her face, which she promptly buried into her pillow to muffle her string of "Oh no. no no no nono."

She didn't know how she would look Bofur in the eye tomorrow. She felt the hot press of guilt in her stomach and yet could not help but remember how enjoyable the dream had been. Bilbo had only engaged in sex twice before but it had always left her feeling unimpressed and a little bored. But that had been quite nice.

Bilbo groaned. It hadn't even been an accurate dream! Well, not technically. Emotionally it had felt like Bofur. Like when an acquaintance looks not at all like themselves in the dream but you know instinctively who it is.

Bilbo shook her head and rolled over to return to sleep. Perhaps if she was lucky she wouldn't remember come morning. Perhaps it was one of those dreams that faded from memory by the next day. Bilbo couldn't help but snort into her pillow, fully aware she was unlikely to forget that dream.

She took a deep breath, calmed her mind as best she could and settled down to wait for sleep to return to her.


	7. Mattress Climbing

Bilbo thought the Forsaken inn was a well named place.

It wasn't too horribly out of repair, the small group of travellers smoking in the downstairs pub made it clear there was enough business to keep everything in order, but it had appeared so suddenly on the horizon that Bilbo had first thought it some form of mirage. She had hardly believed Bofur when earlier that morning she had said they should be reaching an inn by dusk.

Truthfully Bilbo hadn't dared to hope. And when she saw no signs of a town or any road signs she hadn't.

There hadn't even been any small cottages before there was suddenly an entire Inn.

They set the ponies and Bill into the stables, the ponies laying in the dry straw of their stalls while Bill popped his head over the barriers to visit with neighbouring horses.

The room was fine. The bed was huge.

Both Bofur and Bilbo stood silently in the doorway sizing up the large single bed, both no doubt wondering how they would get up and down without difficulty. Bilbo, who had never before shown any tendency to roll in her sleep, suddenly found herself concerned about falling off the edge in the middle of the night.

Bofur shook her head. "We'll worry about it later." She wandered into the room, walking around the bed to get a good look at every corner, hand sliding over the stone of the fireplace as she passed between it and the end of the bed. She glanced back towards the door where Bilbo still stood and smiled to the right of Bilbo's shoulder. "You'll be happy to know that they seem to have indoor plumbing of some sort."

Bilbo made a noise, something between a shout and a squeal, as she rushed into the bathing room. It was really no bigger than a large closet but Bilbo couldn't be happier. She had switched into her spare change of clothes days ago and now both sets were thoroughly dusted by dirt from the road.

Had Bofur said she had never seen the hobbit move faster she would have only been slightly exaggerating.

Bilbo had first run back into the main room to start a fire, stacking logs high and shoving a handful of lit sticks beneath the steady log structure. Once the fire caught she was up and running back into the bathroom to work the strange water pump and fill a large tin pail with water. Then, with two hands on the wooden handle, Bilbo carried the heavy bucket into the main room and set it beside the fire. She then once more rushed into the bathroom and began filling the bathtub basin with cold water straight from the hand pump.

Bofur finally followed to watch through the doorway. "What're ye doing?"

"I think first I'll wash my clothes, I can do yours as well, and then I plan to take a nice long bath while it dries." Bilbo said eagerly.

Bofur smirked. "And while you soak in your bath what will I wear if all my clothes are wet?"

Bilbo stilled at that. Turning from the pump to frown at Bofur. "I uh... I've got a robe you could wear that hasn't been too heavily used yet. If you need it." She moved passed Bofur then to check the pail beside the fire. Bilbo supposed the water was warm enough for the clothes and picked the pail back up and into the bathroom. Once that had been added to the cold she refilled the bucket and placed it back beside the fire for bathwater.

When she had gotten her clothes and went to get undressed she paused, suddenly realizing the problem in lending her robe. It was all well and good to wait for the clothes to dry while taking a bath, but what was she supposed to wear while she washed the clothes? She tiptoed back into the room.

"About that robe, um. I might need it for a bit." A pile of clothes hit her in the chest. She looked up to see that Bofur had managed to pull herself up onto the bed and had already buried herself beneath the covers.

Bofur was grinning at her, propped up above the pillows with a bare arm and shoulder. "I expected that might be the case. You're willing to wash my rags so I've no room to complain. I'll just take a nap before dinner. While you do whatever."

Bilbo blushed and nodded, slipping back into the bathroom with the heavy wool clothes. She washed them as quickly as she could, eager to wash herself of sweat and dirt. When all the soap and grit was rinsed away with the water swirling down the drain she wrung the clothes of water and then quietly slipped back into the bedroom, draping clothes over every clean surface she could find near the hearth, then grabbed the hot bucket of water and carefully poured it into the tub.

After adding enough cold to fill the tub she sunk in and sighed.

Baths might just be the thing Bilbo missed most about home. The hot water felt fantastic on her sore feet and legs. Really everything was sore. This travelling business was exhausting.

She rubbed the bar of soap over her legs and arms, sitting up out of the water to wash her torso and hair, then dunked back in soon after. With that out of the way she was free to enjoy the soapy water.

She laid back, resting her head against the lip of the tub and let her eyes slide shut. She was asleep in moments.

-

Bilbo woke to find the water had gone cold, shivering as she pulled herself out and back into her warm dressing robe. She shuffled out of the bathroom, still groggy from the unplanned nap and stopped beside the bed where Bofur was still sprawled out asleep. She smiled drowsily at the way Bofur's steady breaths made her moustache flutter and dance.

Bilbo blinked slowly and eyed the bed.

She really was quite tired. Perhaps if she just went to bed now they'd both sleep until morning. She moved to the other side of the bed, planted her hands on the mattress and jumped up. Several attempts later saw her fully awake and still unable to get onto the bed.

Bilbo gave up and got dressed. She carefully folded all the clothes, leaving out the thickest of Bofur's coats that were still damp and shook the dwarf awake. She left the robe folded on top of the comforter covering Bofur's hip and sat herself down beside the fire to warm up and have a smoke.

She listened as Bofur slowly woke and moved around the room behind her, smiling and handing the pipe over silently when the dwarf sat down fully dressed beside her.

They finished the pipe together and sat watching the fire until their empty stomachs rose chorus in protest and they went down to the pub in search of food.

The Inn offered a wide range of dishes for the weary traveller, all of which came served in a bowl atop a liberal mountain of mashed potatoes. It was clear that the wide variety of dishes was to accommodate the wide range of peoples who used the great East road in travel, since almost immediately Bofur had recognized a dish from her childhood. Bilbo did not recognize anything but the basic beef stew, but it made sense that the inn had never had to cater to hobbit tastes before.

Bilbo allowed Bofur to order them both a bowl of the spiced chicken, never having heard about dwarvish cuisine and curious. After the first bite Bilbo worried briefly that the flavourful gravy might be meant to disguise bad meat, but Bofur seemed unsurprised by the flavour. Once that fear had been settled she quickly found herself enjoying the meal, picking out flavours as she ate and figuring out how to recreate the dish at home. The bell peppers would be easy enough to grow in her garden. The spices might be a bit of a trick, seeing as she couldn't place what they were, but she was sure she could get them from trading dwarves if she really wanted to.

The heavy meal provided a thick buffer between their stomachs and the strong ale that had come with it and pretty quick they were ordering a second round seeking the buzz that the potatoes had denied them. Another round, this one purchased for the entire crowd by one impressively drunk man in the corner, had Bilbo drunk and happy to ask whatever came to her mind. She watched dreamily as Bofur swallowed heavily from her own pint.

"So what makes a dwarf want to take a Hobbit to Rivendell? Really?"

Bofur placed her pint on the table and considered Bilbo for a long moment. "Generally? Nothing." She gave a slow spreading, tired smile. "I don't know. Bombur told me about it and I was curious. Yer not the first person to be told no because of they were a woman. Guess I just wanted to help." She took another sip of her ale before shaking her head and letting her face split into it's customary grin. "Besides, like I said when we met, I heard about how you handled Godun. Girl like that, How could I resist? You deserved a congratulations at the very least."

Bilbo slumped forward, pushed her empty glass away and grabbed Bofur's pint to take a sip. "I did a bad thing." she mumbled.

Bofur laughed. "I doubt it."

"No no. I had this dream about you, but I got it all wrong."

Bofur took her pint back and leaned closer over the table, intrigued. "Oh aye? And what kind of dream was this?"

Bilbo waved her hand vaguely in dismissal. "That hardly matters. But in my dream you were a male. And sometimes I forget that your not when I'm awake."

Bofur rolled her eyes. "That's a thing, sure, but it's not bad. To be expected really, dwarf versus hobbit differences and all that."

"You don't mind?"

Bofur thought on that a moment. "Honestly not. I like being both. They each have perks. However I appear in your sleep I'm just flattered to be there."

The barmaid placed two more pints on the table, shrugging at Bofur's look of question and gestured to the drunk man in the corner. Bofur lifted one of the pints in salute to the man and laughed. "I don't envy that man. He's going to be in for quite the shock tomorrow morning when he gets his tab." She took a heavy sip and grinned, moustache white with foam. "Now about that dream."

"Nope." Bilbo said quickly, grabbing a napkin and pressing it to Bofur's moustache and moving back to let it stick there for a moment before falling to the table.

Bofur ignored it and continued. "What happened? Ye can tell me. Did everyone begin turning into senseless monsters that could only be cured by your kiss but when you went to do this they instead turned to ordinary garden wolves? Did you wake up before saving middle earth?"

"What? No. That's..." Bilbo frowned, "have you had a dream like that?"

Bofur huffed. "Well was it at least a nice dream? I mean, I should assume so, I was in it after all."

Bilbo snorted indignantly but could not seem to keep it from turning into a genuine laugh. "Yes, it was quite nice."

“One can't help but wonder what kind of dream has you so sure I'd been misgendered.” Bofur winked, ignoring Bilbo's flush, and held her glass up. "Cheers."

Bilbo, accepting the out she was being given, smiled and lifted her own to clink against Bofur's, "Cheers."

They stayed long enough to finish those last two ales, or more accurately for Bofur to finish hers and the second half of Bilbo's before standing to return upstairs. The stairs had been a bit difficult, but they managed to make it to the top without injury by leaning rather heavily against one another.

They stumbled about the room changing into their sleepwear, both of them failing multiple times to balance on one leg. As a result taking their trousers off had become a surprisingly long process that involved holding onto each other and the bed.

If Bilbo hadn't been able to get into the bed while sober she certainly wasn't able to get up after three and a half cups of ale. In the end Bilbo couldn't get up until Bofur had managed to pull herself up and then grasped Bilbo's forearms and simply lifted her onto the mattress.

They were settled, practically asleep when Bilbo groaned. "We could have used Bill's stepladder."

Bofur grunted in response.

"To get on the bed." Bilbo clarified. She was silent a moment before saying, "We could have moved that chair." She flopped her arm in the direction of said chair.

Bofur groaned and rolled over, throwing her arm over Bilbo's stomach. "Please stop talking."

Bilbo swallowed thickly, suddenly not sure she would be able to sleep with the quick thump in her chest. She nodded, curled a little bit closer and closed her eyes anyway.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are totally eating chicken paprikash which I have been craving since I wrote this. If you've never had it you totally should. 
> 
> Also, I promise the next chapter is much more action packed than this one.


	8. Traps and Trolls

After leaving the immediate area of the Forsaken Inn the great east road had turned quickly into a rough thin path. The ponies didn't seem to mind but Bill had seemed uneasy for the first couple hours on the thin track of dirt, his wide frame making it difficult to keep all hooves on the path during trickier to navigate hill passes.

The landscape was wild and rough. They passed entire fields where not a tree could be seen, and in their place grew great rock shelves, boulders, and strange stone cairns made by unknown hands.

It had been a couple days since leaving the Inn before they saw another person, he had tumbled out of a bush along the side of the road with a knife in his hand and a harried look on his face.

He waved the knife a bit and scowled down on them. "Right. You two. Off the ponies."

Bilbo, though technically in charge, looked to Bofur who nodded. They dismounted, Bofur slipping her miner's mattock from the back of her pony's saddle as she touched the ground. Bilbo watched nervously as Bofur considered the man and finally asked, "What do you want?"

"Don't talk." The man snapped. "You," He said, pointing to Bilbo, "Unstrap your luggage from the horse."

"She's a bit short, you might've noticed. Can't reach the buckles."

"I told you to be quiet!" The man shouted. He turned to Bilbo, pointing with the knife for emphasis as he continued. "I can clearly see the ladder. Do what I said right now or I'll kill the both of you and do it myself."

Once he'd made the mistake of focusing his attention on Bilbo it was all too easy for Bofur to dart in and knock the man to the dirt with a heavy swing of the mattock to his gut. The flat of the blade likely leaving a very distinct bruise along the man's stomach and ribs. The man groaned on the ground and Bofur gave a grunt. "If you brandish that knife again I'll knock you right back over, and next time I might not have the mind to turn the blade aside."

The man threw down his knife and lurched to his feet. "I have had it with these fucking dwarves." He straightened his jacket, "If I never see another one of you short bastards it'll be too soon." He stomped passed them and down the path, muttering all the way.

Bilbo and Bofur both stood watching, even after he had disappeared into the horizon, in shock.

“What was that about?” Bofur asked.

“I haven't the faintest.” Bilbo muttered, shaking her head.

Bilbo was the first to move back to the ponies, hands shaking a bit with adrenaline as she grabbed the saddle and pulled herself back into her seat. She took a deep breath before looking down where Bofur was still standing with her hands clenched around the mattock. "Let's get back to it, shall we?"

Bofur nodded and mounted, though she kept the mattock lying across her lap within easy reach.

The very next morning they encountered yet another traveller, a lean dwarf calmly walking the road coming from the direction they were heading. Upon seeing his form break the horizon Bofur had grabbed for the mattock instinctively, grip tightening as he neared.

When they were almost neck in neck with him the dwarf paused looking up at them upon their ponies. His eyes landed on Bofur's hands on axe and smirked. "You two look sore stressed. Trouble on the road?" he eyed them both for another moment. "Did I interrupt a lover's spat?"

"We had a bit of a situation the other day with a thief." Bilbo explained.

"Ah." The dwarf nodded. "That'd be my partner. Well, ex-partner. He ran when he saw the trolls."

"Are there trolls ahead?" Bofur asked.

"Yes, technically. They're off the road a bit. And it's morning so they'll be out of your way." He paused, eyes lingering on Bill for a long moment.

"Don't even think of it. Your partner walked away with some heavy bruising after trying to rob us." Bofur warned.

The dwarf raised one of his incredibly long eyebrows and shifted back, crossing his arms in front of himself. "You can fight?"

Bofur nodded.

"I'm Nori. Would you two like to help me sack a troll cave?" 

Neither Bofur nor Bilbo knew what to say to that. Neither one thinking it was a particularly good idea but too surprised by the offer to say "no" outright.

"I'll let you keep a share of the loot." The dwarf, Nori, offered.

Bofur snorted. "Well I should hope so, considering you wouldn't have it without us."

"So you'll do it? Fantastic." Nori clapped his hands together and smiled a sneaky smile that promised trouble. Bofur turned to gape at Bilbo, easily conveying her surprise and numerous apologies.

Bilbo shrugged to Bofur and urged Myrtle forward. "I suppose it couldn't hurt to check it out." She said, inevitably curious about this troll cave.

They continued east till the sun was shining high above them, fat in the centre of the sky when Nori held a hand up and they drew to a stop. Looking at the ground he wandered to the left of the path and into the grass. He reappeared on the trail a moment later and nodded. "This is it. When we get a bit off the road you'll want to tie the animals up and continue on foot. Might get spooked by the smell and draw attention to us."

They did so, Bofur and Bilbo stepping a bit lighter than necessary out of fear. Though they could feel the heat of the sun baking the tops of their heads and shoulders they couldn't shake the fear of walking towards a group of three trolls. Nori pulled them to a stop as they entered a small clearing along a low cliff face. The area was clearly being used as a camp by somebody. The fire and cooking spit were massive, and the entire area trampled to hard dirt and grassy pulp. A fresh wave of fear struck Bilbo with the sudden certainty that she had underestimated the size of trolls.

Bilbo stepped to the middle of the clearing and turned slowly to get a thorough look. The entire area was fairly well hidden by trees, what looked like an animal pen and boulders. She could just see the entrance of what must be the troll cave along the cliff and into the dense forest. She took another turn, considering. There was an especially large boulder positioned in the ring directly to the east. "Do they really turn to stone or are they just nocturnal?"

"Are they what?" Nori asked, his face turning to an unimpressive scowl.

"She likes big words." Bofur offered fondly.

Nori scoffed. "Course they turn to stone. That's why they only come out at night."

Bilbo rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Well bats and owls don't turn to stone but they avoid the day light as well. I want to be sure it's not just a myth to explain their absence in the day."

Nori had opened his mouth when Bofur's distressed shout interrupted their argument. She was standing by the animal pens. "Do these look like human remains or am I imagining it."

Both Bilbo and Nori moved to stand beside her and saw bones scattered across the ledge of the pen that did indeed look human. And rather fresh. Bilbo turned away and swallowed the sick bile rising in her throat.

As she caught her breath and eased her nausea Bilbo's eyes landed upon the Boulder to the east. Only a short look had her mind turning back to previous thoughts and her feet moving her across the camp to get a better look. Bilbo couldn't say she knew much about rocks or stone but it was clear that the boulder was made of layered rock and Bilbo was sure that could be exploited to break it apart. Bilbo had felt a bit bad about possibly turning three trolls to stone just for their treasure, but if they'd been preying on local farmers she wouldn't feel nearly so guilty.

She ran her hand over the stone, feeling the slight dip between each stone layer, and called for the other two.

Bofur gave her a funny look, eyes moving between Bilbo and her hand on the stone. "What is it?"

"Have either of you got something we could drill into the stone with? Along one of these seams. If we could somehow weaken the stone in the middle, we could distract them till the sun first rises and break the boulder."

In answer Nori had just pulled a leather bundle from his jacket and grinned.

 

-

 

Bilbo wasn't sure how she had been convinced to be the distraction, but there she was hiding behind a bush and peaking between the branches to watch the three large trolls argue with one another while she tried to build up her courage. There was no need to distract them for several hours yet, but she would need all that time to form a plan and convince herself to go through with it.

She had also wanted to be away from Bofur's and Nori's truly unhelpful brainstorming. Running out naked into their camp would distract the trolls for a second at most before they simply tore her apart and added her to their soup, whereas she could guess Bofur and Nori would be distracted for too long to save her. Honestly. Fools, the both of them.

The secluded view of their adversary allowed Bilbo to think and after watching them for a couple hours she had a fairly simple plan. The trolls had a fondness for talking, but seemed incapable of talking civilly to one another and every exchange quickly turned to arguments and physical abuse to one another.

Must've been a troll thing.

Bilbo held her position until the moon had disappeared from the sky and the stars were fiercely bright in the dark sky. The way they were just before the first grey tint of dawn began to spread. She took a deep breath, counted down from 100 in her mind, and slowly crept into the camp. She ultimately found herself crouched in the animal pens behind the troll that had seemed to draw the most abuse from the others and waited for an opportunity.

It came when one of the other trolls leaned back to pat his stomach and say, "Soup wasn't so bad with just the squirrel."

Bilbo pitched her voice to an odd squeak and said, "Tasted like horse's shite." She immediately feared it hadn't been loud enough to sound like more than a whisper to the trolls.

"What was that, Tom?" The troll that Bilbo was fairly sure had done the cooking growled.

"I din't say nuffin." Tom said.

"Yes he did." the first troll said. "I heard him. He said it was shit." He said, much louder than Bilbo had.

"Y' don't say, Bill." The cook grunted. "And do you agree with ol' Tom here?"

Bilbo had by this point snuck around to stand behind this Bill fellow while the attention was on Tom. She tried for his lower growl, "Less flavour than shit. More like mud, really." She once again failed to really capture the loud booming tone of a troll's voice, but that didn't seem to matter to the cook who was now shaking with fury.

She backed up, quite terrified as the angry troll knocked Tom off his seat with a heavy hit to the face with his soup ladle and turned on Bill who was shaking his head violently. "I swear that weren't me, Bert."

"Oh, and I suppose we're all just hearing things." Bert roared, brandishing his ladle high into the air.

Bilbo was almost into the bushes when much to her horror the big troll in front of her turned and stared, Bert seeming to have had the same idea, his head peaking around Bill's body to stare at her. Bilbo barely had time to turn and run before a large hand engulfed her leg and lifted her into the air.

Bilbo stared in horror into the three faces pushing together to get a better look at her. "Smells like dwarf." Bill grunted.

"I most certainly am not." Bilbo couldn't help but answer as she fought her dress from falling into her face.

"Well what are you then?" Bert asked.

"She looks soft. Can we eat her?" Tom asked. "Can we have a second dinner?"

"We haven't got time for that." Bert scowled. "We'll have to kill her and save it for tomorrow."

"Oooh... I love when the meat goes a bit old." Bill said, not seeming sarcastic in the least.

At that Bilbo's heart promptly doubled it's already quick speed and she couldn't hold back the cry of "BOFUR! NORI!"

"Oh great now it's speakin' other languages." Tom grumbled.

Bilbo hung there, all three trolls waiting for her to say something else while she prayed and hoped for some sort of a rescue. It was actually a bit awkward. Those three large trolls standing quiet. They hadn't really done that before she bumbled in.

There was a knock.

And then another. The three great heads turned to find the source, frowning in confusion. Bill shook Bilbo in his fist. "What's that?"

"Solicitors?" Bilbo suggested, eyeing the now grey sky and hoping she hadn't been wrong.

Finally there was a loud crack of splitting stone. She was dropped to the ground when one half of the boulder rolled to the side to allow the sunlight to spill into the camp and Bill lifted his hands to cover his eyes in a futile defence.

Bilbo groaned from the hard ground and opened her eyes to see the three stone trolls. The calls of her name convinced her to pull herself up to sit, smiling when she saw Bofur and Nori rushing through the trees.

"That was brilliant!" Nori was shouting as Bofur rushed to help Bilbo to her feet.

"Are you all right?" Bofur asked, hands landing on Bilbo's shoulders.

Bilbo laughed a little hysterically but managed a nod and another smile.

"Are you completely certain?"

Bilbo smiled a little more genuinely and nodded again.

Bofur sighed and pulled her into a crushing hug. "That was stupid. Let's not do anything like that again."

Bilbo pressed Bofur back lightly, hoping to relieve a bit of the pressure around her ribs. Compelled by some impulse, likely a combination of adrenaline and Bofur's relieved grin, Bilbo grabbed hold of the thick braids on either side of Bofur's head and tugged her into a light kiss. She had to stifle a pleased groan when Bofur surged forward, hands sliding up to hold Bilbo's face and lips pressing eagerly against her own.

A sharp clearing of the throat had Bilbo jumping back and Bofur calmly pulling away to glare at Nori who gave a little wave. "That's beautiful and all, but I'm still here and there's treasure to be had." He gestured to the cave entrance behind him and walked backwards towards it, making come-hither motions with his hands and waggling his eyebrows.

Bofur rolled her eyes and turned to find something to make into a torch while Bilbo nodded and followed, freezing in the cave entrance when she got her first nose full of the horrible air within. She took a step back and shook her head. "I don't think so. I'll leave the plundering to you two."

"Y' get used to the smell." Nori offered. "Promise."

"I think I'll save my nose the trouble." Bilbo said, not at all wanting to 'get used' to the smell of troll filth. Whatever it was. She shrugged apologetically to Bofur. "I trust if you see anything in particular I might like you'll bring it out?"

Bofur smiled easily and nodded before ducking into the cave. Bilbo found a comfortable patch of grass just beyond the entrance, near enough to listen to the two dwarves working through the cave but far enough to be away from the smell, and sat down to wait.

She laid back between the spread of two tree roots and let her eyes slip shut, smiling at the occasional loud clank of metal that echoed through the cave and the resulting curses. The adrenaline eventually wore off and she slipped into sleep after the long night spent awake and worrying.

 

-

 

When Bilbo awoke it was to a crick in her neck and the afternoon sun shining down through the leaves. She then caught sight of one of the looming trolls and knocked her head against the tree behind her when she forgot they were stone. She ignored Nori and Bofur's laughter as she rubbed her head and looked around.

The other two were only sitting a few feet from where Bilbo was and it seemed, much to her chagrin, that they were indeed laughing at her graceful awakening. Bofur at least had the decency to look a bit apologetic as she did so, finally asking, "Are you all right?", when her laughter had slowed.

Bilbo just glared and nodded, pulling herself up to move to Bofur's side.

"Got somethin' for ya." Bofur said with a grin, pulling something long and shining from the pile of objects they were sitting around. She held either end and unsheathed a beautiful sword. "Seemed about your size."

Bilbo grabbed the handle and held it before her uncertainly. "What do I need a sword for?" she asked, not commenting on the fact that it was indeed the perfect size for her.

"Well, in case we run into any more thieves. Since these last couple days have certainly proved how bothersome they can be." Bofur answered, nodding toward Nori as she spoke.

"Oi. Don't be rude." Nori protested.

Bofur ignored him and kicked her boot against a small chest at the edge of the pile. "Think Bill'd be able to carry just that bit more?"

Bilbo had agreed and though the chest had been heavier than she had anticipated, Bill had made no fuss when they fit it into a gap in the supplies. That done they had said their goodbyes to Nori, Bofur's a bit warmer than Bilbo's, and were back on their way east.

Neither spoke until the cliff hiding the troll's cave was out of sight and they had stopped for a break.

"All things considered it's a good thing we found all this." Bofur said, patting the chest of gold that had been strapped to Bill's side. "Wouldn't have felt right taking money from ye after all of this."

"All of this?" Bilbo asked.

Bofur winked and pulled the hobbit in for kiss, happily picking up right where they had been interrupted with her hands cupping Bilbo's face and lips opening to press deeper. When they parted Bilbo laughed. "Does two times really warrant the term 'All'?" Bofur rolled her eyes and pressed another quick kiss to the hobbits lips before adjusting her pack and nodding to the road.

Bilbo grinned and nodded in return. "Better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter. I love Nori. Happy Valentines Day (if you're into celebrating that kinda thing. If not, rock on; happy friday).


	9. Better to Beg Forgiveness [an interlude]

Things didn't really change much after that. Bofur still teased and flirted with Bilbo and Bilbo still bristled and scoffed in response. The only difference now was that instead of grinning and laughing until Bilbo couldn't help but join, Bofur took to simply kissing Bilbo's frowns away. And if the fact that Bilbo was putting on the act a bit more often as a result was noticeable Bofur certainly never said anything.

They were reaching the end of their trek. Even if Bofur hadn't pointed out as much Bilbo could feel it instinctively. The journey stretched long behind them, the day they left Hobbiton seeming like an age ago. And yet it was fresh in her mind. So easy to recall. And the air seemed sweeter the further they rode, as if waves of comfort radiated from the last homely house.

"You know, it's only just occurring to me," Bofur mused, interrupting Bilbo's thoughts one afternoon, "Do they have any idea they're about to have guests?"

Bilbo opened her mouth to answer, surprise stilling her voice as she actually registered the question. "I suppose not." She finally answered.

"Didn't send a message or anything?"

Bilbo huffed, shifting on her pony to more comfortably turn and look at Bofur. "And how would I have done that exactly?"

Bofur considered for a moment and shrugged. "I haven't the faintest. Don't they have people who do that sorta thing? Travellers willing to take messages when they go and such?"

"Oh dear." Bilbo muttered. Bofur laughed a bit as the hobbit groaned and buried her face in her hands. "They'll think I'm terribly rude. And they probably don't even get many visitors!" She cried in distress. "I had assumed they would with the library and all but now that I think of it it is quite out of the way."

"Well it is just the two of us. We really only need one guest room and yer polite enough I'm sure they'll agree." She gave Bilbo her best reassuring smile. Not very reassuring if Bilbo was honest but she recognized the effort. "And I'll not say a word until we're settled." she added.

Bilbo rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile in response. "You're not so bad."

Bofur grinned. "Well no I suppose you wouldn't think so. But ye never know with elves."

They were quiet for a moment before Bilbo groaned again. "It's probably so far out of the way for the express purpose of deterring guests." This was of course ridiculous. 

Bofur gave a groan of her own. "I'm sure it'll be fine, luv. They'll see how far ye've travelled and you'll show them yer trunk of papers and books and they'll be delighted by your company." She filled and lit her pipe then took a deep breath of smoke before holding the pipe out for Bilbo. "Now calm down, have a smoke and stop worrying about it."


	10. Midnight Celebrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut this chapter (yay!). Meant to post these chapters days ago.

"You know," Bofur began as they worked on building up the small fire they had managed to get lit, "This is probably our last night on the road. Last night camping beneath the stars. Last night to fall asleep to the sound of crickets."

"I'm sure there'll be crickets in Rivendell." Bilbo replied absently as she carefully shredded a handful of dry grass and carefully wedged it into the pile of thin sticks.

"Alright yes, but tha's not the point."

Bilbo gave her a glance over the fire and continued to work kindling into a larger pile.

"Point is," Bofur continued, "Is that it's our last night of our journey to Rivendell and we should celebrate."

Bilbo looked up, ready to sarcastically ask what they would do to celebrate in the middle of nowhere while running low on supplies, only to see Bofur place a large bottle of amber liquid down in the fire's light. "What is that?" she asked instead.

"Sweet Whiskey. Tastes like honey. Think it is honey, actually." Bofur grinned. "Had it in me pack. Seems like a good night for it."

Bilbo gave a small exasperated shake of the head but couldn't argue, smile slipping across her face while she worked at the thought of how far they'd come. It certainly hadn't gone the way she had expected. She stared at Bofur for a moment as the dwarf piled on a couple logs. If she think of it Bilbo could still feel the slight burn of her lips from when Bofur had helped her off her pony just an hour before. Once Bilbo's feet had touched the ground Bofur had pulled her into a slow kiss that had ultimately gone a bit longer than either of them had intended.

Bilbo ducked her head and smiled a smile that would've made it obvious to the dwarf that a plan was forming in the hobbit's head. And the flush upon Bilbo's cheeks might have given her some idea as to what kind of a plan it was.

Bofur had been incredibly polite and proper about everything, and while Bilbo appreciated the effort she was a bit disappointed. She had left the shire with a strange dwarf to go on an adventure. The time for proper was long gone.

Bilbo was suddenly very glad for the whiskey. She knew exactly how she wanted to celebrate the night and she knew she would need that whiskey to pull her nerves together and make the first move.

Bofur had managed to catch a couple of rabbits which she insisted on cooking in coffee and the last of their garlic and onions. Bilbo had been sceptical about the whole thing, not being overly fond of coffee herself, but the garlic and fat from the rabbit cut through the bitter taste nicely and the simple dumplings Bofur added soaked up the flavour and filled their stomachs to bursting. When they had toasted to their successful journey and added the first sips of whiskey to the mix Bilbo had feared the bursting might become literal, but the burn of the whiskey quickly eased the ache in her belly.

They laid back in the grass and watched the stars. Drinking their whiskey and pointing out constellations they knew to one another, comparing stories when they found that they had different names for the same clusters of stars.

Bofur was explaining to her the story of the constellation she called "the great gold seam" when Bilbo finally felt fuzzy and brave enough to roll over and press their lips together. Granted, that wasn't the part that required the bravery. She lifted herself onto her arms and settled across the dwarf's body, nibbling at Bofur's lips to deepen the kiss. She groaned when strong arms wrapped around her back and that wicked mouth opened beneath hers.

Bilbo bit her lip to suppress a soft moan when Bofur moved her lips away to kiss along Bilbo's jaw and up to her ears. "Not that I'm complaining, luv, but I thought ye might want to take things slow." She bit at Bilbo's ear lobe and pressed a smiling kiss to her jaw.

Bilbo sighed and shook her head. "This is our last night on our own. By ourselves. I'm sure we'll have privacy in Rivendell but it won't be the same." She pressed a kiss to the dwarf's lips. "I have taken things slowly my entire life. And quite frankly? I'm tired of it." She gave another kiss, "So please." a kiss, "Do your worst."

"Do my worst, eh?" Bofur grinned. "You mean be on my worst behaviour and do my best, I hope, for your sake."

Bilbo huffed and rolled her eyes. "Yes of course that's what I meant you daft-" a shout of surprise interrupted the thought as she was suddenly sitting upright with a dwarf undressing beneath her. Bofur winked as she hastily unbutton the closures of her vest and coat, pulling them straight across the ground when they fell from her shoulders. Another sudden shift and Bilbo found herself sprawled across the wool coats and staring up at the stars.

Above her Bofur happily set herself to unbuttoning Bilbo's waistcoat, humming a cheerful tune as her fingers moved quickly.

Bofur pressed her face into Bilbo's shoulder, bristly moustache teasing at the sensitive skin of her neck while gentle hands slid along her stomach and sides. She pressed a kiss to Bilbo's clavicle and then paused. "Let me know if I do anything you want stoppin'."

That said she set to kissing and licking the expanse of Bilbo's neck and shoulders, moving down only once she had left all of the soft skin sensitive and flushed and lightly chilled by the cool air on warm saliva.

Bilbo tensed just slightly in anticipation as Bofur moved on from her sternum to lick a stripe between her breasts before pressing kisses upon the soft flesh and taking Bilbo's right nipple between her teeth in a gentle bite. She tightened her hands around Bilbo's hips, thumbs rubbing circles into her skin as she moved to the other side of Bilbo's chest and then down along her ribs.

It wasn't until Bofur had made her way to Bilbo's belly button that it really occurred to Bilbo where exactly Bofur had been going with all of this. She groaned, arousal growing greater at the thought. Bilbo let her hands fall to Bofur's head, tugging the hat off and tossing it aside so that her fingers could run through the thick hair beneath. Her hands clenched at the funny flip in her stomach when Bofur laughed against her lower belly.

She frowned when Bofur pulled and shifted back, but the flip turned to a full swooping sensation as Bofur slid her hands over Bilbo's thighs and down behind her knees, lifting them to rest across her shoulders as casual as you please. The cheeky smile she was giving Bilbo made it clear she knew exactly what she was doing to the hobbit. "All good?" She asked.

Bilbo huffed and gave Bofur's back a light kick with her heal. "Very."

Bofur grinned and gave Bilbo's knees a light squeeze before leaning forward to press her mouth to the smooth skin of Bilbo's inner thighs, biting and sucking her way up till she had almost reached Bilbo's left knee and then moved to her right and then reversed the process to move downward. She paused just above where the two limbs were closest to meeting and let her warm breath tease lightly over Bilbo's groin. She grinned before leaning forward to press an exaggerated kiss to the thatch of curls near the top.

Bilbo shivered and tightened her hands. Bilbo wasn't terribly experienced regardless, but it had never occurred to her (nor the few gentle-hobbits she had flirted with) that mouths might be used in such a way until now. Although, as she felt the end of Bofur's moustache brush her thighs and the shorter hairs of her beard catch at her own curls she found herself thinking it was a fantastic idea indeed. As Bofur's tongue pressed down and between the folds Bilbo thought it seemed like the best idea she had ever heard. She sighed happily as Bofur thrust her tongue in and out, occasionally pulling back to drag slowly across the entire parting of flesh.

It was around the time when Bilbo's breathing had begun to come out in open mouthed sighs and shaky gusts of air that Bofur moved her hands from the hobbit's thighs to cup her breasts and slide her thumbs over the tightened flesh to produce a lovely string of moans that had her grinning against the Hobbit's groin.

As soon as she could fight down the stretch of a smile Bofur slid her mouth over the hobbit's clit to rub her tongue in circles and suck lightly at the sensitive skin. Bilbo groaned, her hands jumping up to grab tightly at the dwarf's forearms above her stomach and thighs clenching reflexively over Bofur's shoulders.

Bilbo suddenly had a thought somewhere along the lines of finally finding a way to keep Bofur's mouth too busy to talk and found herself laughing aloud at the thought. The laugh, unsurprisingly, only spurred Bofur on further, the tip of her tongue moving to tight circles, and with that Bilbo's laugh turned to a loud gasp as she curled up toward the dwarf. She could feel her heals digging unkindly into the dwarf's shoulder blades but she couldn't control it as she was pulled through her orgasm. Her stomach was still shivering with pulses of warmth as she collapsed back against the ground and sighed out praise for Bofur, though she wasn't sure what all she had said.

Bofur gently removed Bilbo's legs from her shoulders and crawled over the hobbit, clearly pleased with herself if the wide grin on her face was anything to go by. Bilbo laughed softly at the disarray of Bofur's moustache and carefully brushed the wayward hairs back into their place. "Thank you, m'lady." Bofur muttered against the pads of Bilbo's fingers.

"Well." Bilbo said, still catching her breath, "I've got to keep my knight shining and respectable, haven't I?"

Bofur snorted and leant forward for a kiss. Bilbo let Bofur's mouth slide between her lips to stroke her tongue and along her teeth before she pulled an exaggerated frown at the taste. It wasn't actually so bad, but Bilbo felt compelled to at least put on a show of affront. For propriety's sake and whatnot, though she may have waited a moment too long to be convincing as Bofur just laughed and sucked Bilbo's bottom lip into her mouth.

Bofur gave her one last quick kiss and pulled away. "We should move into a proper bed roll. Neither of us is dressed enough to stay out in the open like this all night."

Bilbo frowned and wrapped her arms around the dwarf's neck. "I haven't returned the favour."

"I trust you to spoil me in Rivendell." Bofur said with a grin. She sat up and pulled Bilbo upright by her hands.

Bilbo sighed and let herself to be pulled ultimately to her feet. She turned to grab up her skirts only to be turned back toward the fire by warm hands on her waist. "You won't need those once we're beneath the blankets and furs."

Bilbo scoffed. "You just want to cuddle a naked hobbit all night."

Bofur winked, the movement only just visible in the fire's light. "Aye, the thought had crossed my mind."

Bilbo rolled her eyes and picked up all of the discarded clothing, both hers and Bofur's. She turned to find a pouting dwarf. "Don't go looking at me like that, I just want to fold them."

Bofur grinned and left to set out her bedroll and Bilbo quickly set the folded piles aside to slip in beside Bofur beneath the many warm layers. She grinned when she felt bare arms wrap around her waist; Bilbo had been so tempted to slip into her under-things at least, but to see that Bofur had actually removed a couple more layers made her glad she had resisted. She rolled over to press her face beneath Bofur's chin and let her hands run over the thin sleeveless top covering Bofur's torso, smiling when those warm arms tightened around her back.

–

When Bilbo awoke it was to the sound of Bofur's light snoring above her and the sun shining into her face from too high in the sky. She shifted to sit up and froze for a second before recalling exactly why she had gone to bed completely undressed and then she flushed brightly. Bilbo glanced over to her bed mate and couldn't help but smile. Bofur always managed to look so lovely while she was sleeping, a feat that Bilbo knew she herself could not accomplish as she had often woken to find her mouth gaping unpleasantly and a string of drool working its way onto her pillow or down her chin.

Bilbo lifted the blankets a bit, not having gotten a good look the night before and curious as to what Bofur would look like with so few extra layers. Dressed down to just an under shirt and leggings the curve of her hips became more apparent, and her strong legs curved into delicate feet far different from a hobbit's.

Bilbo smiled, carefully replaced the blankets over the dwarf, and slipped from bed to get dressed and start the day.

They were running low on supplies (Bofur had seemed confident they would reach Rivendell before the sun set on this day so Bilbo would not let herself worry) but Bilbo managed to find half a bag of rice and oats each as well as dried nuts and cranberries. With that and the last of their oil she fried up some small croquettes for breakfast and set a pot of coffee grounds and water to boil. Bilbo knew she would not be able to serve the coffee until Bofur had woken and spun the grounds to the bottom of the pot but they had a good while before the coffee became too bitter to drink.

She covered the pan and latched the lid on top of the coffee pot and returned to bed, quickly rolling in beneath the blankets to rest her arms and chin across the dwarf's chest and wait for her to wake.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never tried Rabbit, but beef is delicious cooked in coffee and broth.


	11. And Then There were Elves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be up in just a couple days and then I'll be on vacation without internet, but hopefully I'll finish the last two chapters without the internet to distract me. Either way, we should be finishing up here pretty soon.

Finding a path into Rivendell had proven to be a bit of a trick. The map only gave a general indication of where it was located so Bilbo and Bofur carefully led their ponies up along the shore of the Bruinen river towards the gorge within which the last homely house was built. They eventually came upon a series of docks and a winding stone staircase leading up the cliff towards the first of a series of terraces built into the cliff's side. They tied Bill and the ponies to an unlit light post near the docks, grabbed a couple of the more important packs and began their hike up the cliff.

The steps were steep but they managed to keep each other steady as they climbed, the steps leading to one terrace after the next and then eventually to a paved bridge heading towards a grand central road at the foot of the main staircase.

Bilbo could hardly keep the grin from her face as she took in the scenery around her. There was something about the air, magic she would say if it didn't make her feel like a silly young child, that seemed to grow in her chest and make her feel like nowhere could be safer. Bofur hardly appeared to be affected, though she seemed happy enough, smiling whenever she caught Bilbo's eye.

Bilbo was still spinning in place to get a good look of the surrounding area when an insistent tap from Bofur had her turning toward the staircase to watch a tall pair of elves descend the sloping staircase. Though both were finely robed and elegant, the elf on the left held himself in a way that made it very clear to all who he was, and yet he seemed strangely humble as he raised his hand in greeting. The other elf bowed politely from where he stood behind the elf who could only be Elrond.

Bilbo straightened her skirt unconsciously before bowing in greeting.

Elrond smiled softly and bowed in return. "Welcome to Rivendell, Travellers. You have come far, have you not?"

Bilbo nodded. "Yes, I am Bilbo Baggins and this is Bofur. We have travelled from the east in hopes of studying within your library. I apologize for any imposition. I wasn't sure how to notify you of my intent to visit."

Elrond's smile, though it had not changed noticeably, seemed suddenly more genuine. "We do not often receive visitors, but our doors are always open to those seeking knowledge. I am Elrond. This is Lindir." Elrond paused, taking a moment to look the two over. He seemed amused. "For your sake I hope that is not all you've travelled with." he said, nodding to the packs on their backs.

"Oh no, of course not." Bilbo answered, smiling sheepishly before adding. "We weren't sure about the stairs so we left our ponies and horse tied down by the docks."

Elrond glanced briefly to Lindir who nodded and stepped away to retrieve the animals. He then gestured for the two visitors to follow him and turned to escort them through Rivendell.

He had shown them the hallway where they would stay first, then traced from there the way to the library where Bilbo spent several long moments taking in the scale. She wandered down the main aisle of shelves while Bofur and Elrond stood in patient silence near the entrance. It wasn't until Bilbo's hand began reaching for one of the old tomes that she paused and pulled herself away. Once she started she knew she wouldn't want to stop. She returned to her companions with a sheepish smile.

It was on their way to the gardens that Bilbo's stomach gave a loud grumble and the amused expression returned to Elrond's features. "When have you last eaten?"

"Mid-morning?" Bofur guessed.

Bilbo nodded in agreement.

Elrond looked surprised. "My apologies. I would have offered food had I guessed." He turned around to lead them towards the dining halls. "I had heard that Hobbits ate quite often and thought the habit would continue onto the road."

Bofur grinned. "Oh it does. We used the last of the supplies today."

Bilbo and Bofur had both insisted that a formal meal was unnecessary, not wanting to trouble their host too greatly. They were, after all, uninvited and the thought of the elves going out of their way made them feel rather guilty.

After they had had their fill of sweet sliced fruits, fresh vegetables, and warm nutty flat breads Elrond led them back to the guest quarters for the night. He offered them each a room though it was obvious he didn't expect them to take both. He nodded when they insisted on sharing the one room, and raised a slim eyebrow when Bilbo claimed they didn't want to impose.

Bilbo just smiled and wished him goodnight. She supposed there wasn't much point trying to hide anything from someone who had several thousand years experience observing others. Though it occurred suddenly to Bilbo that she might very well be the first Hobbit to travel to Rivendell with a dwarf, and certainly the first with a dwarrow-dame she was carrying on an affair with. The thought left Bilbo with a burning ember of pride in her chest.

Bofur laughed and nudged Bilbo in the side, pointing to where both of their personal packs were sitting at the foot of the bed. Bilbo gave a little huff in response. Elrond had clearly only offered two rooms for appearance's sake.

Well, Bilbo thought with some relief, At least they wouldn't have to worry about keeping secrets.

They dressed for bed and slipped beneath the light summer comforter. One of the elves had thoughtfully left a small stepping stool beside the bed. The bed was on a low enough frame that Bofur hadn't needed it, and Bilbo could have done without, but it was a nice touch of hospitality.

"So," Bofur said, pulling Bilbo closer within her arms. "Rivendell." She grinned.

"It's lovely." Bilbo said with a smile.

"Everything you hoped?"

Bilbo's smile stretched to a pleased grin to mirror Bofur's own. "Oh yes. The library is even bigger than I had imagined." She plucked at the neckline of Bofur's tunic. "I know I hadn't said how long I meant to stay, but I'm afraid it may be a bit longer than either of us anticipated."

Bofur shrugged. "Just don't spend the entire stay ignoring me, right? I can find something to do in the day, but I'll be terribly upset if you get lost in your books and forget me entirely."

Bilbo huffed and pressed a small kiss to lightly pouting lips. "I could never." Bilbo said.

Bofur smirked, rolled over the hobbit and pressed their lips firmly together. She pulled back just a moment later to press kisses down Bilbo's neck and behind her ears where Bofur knew the skin would be sensitive. She grinned and nuzzled closer when she got the expected response and Bilbo began to giggle and squirm beneath her.

Bilbo grabbed Bofur's hands where they were sneaking down to tickle her sides and shook her head. "You'll get me all worked up and then I'll never sleep," she explained after catching her breath, "and I fully intend to get an early start tomorrow."

Bofur was sorely tempted to push her luck but they really had had a long day and the thought of sleep quickly had her mouth stretching open in a yawn. She leant towards the bedside table and blew out the last flickering candle before curling around the hobbit and settling in for sleep. She grinned into the back of Bilbo's neck when she felt the faint tickle of Bilbo's fingertips on her forearm where it lay pressed to the hobbit's chest.

"Somethin' else on yer mind, love?" she mumbled.

Bilbo hesitated for a moment before asking, "You don't mind the elves too terribly, do you?"

Bofur scoffed and pressed a quick kiss to Bilbo's curls. "Nah. They seemed polite enough. It'll be fine."

Bilbo sighed happily and nodded. "Good."

"Of course, we'll have to do something about the food." Bofur added, which only got her a light slap for the thought.

 

II

 

The next morning Bilbo woke as early as she'd hoped, crawling out of the covers and nudging Bofur awake just before dawn. She gave a huff when Bofur just groaned and pulled her back to bed.

"You can stay in bed if you like but I fully intend to find myself something to eat and begin sorting through that Library."

Bofur mumbled something incomprehensible against Bilbo's shoulder.

Bilbo had a thought. "You can get up with me and have whatever I make for breakfast or you can wait till later and let the elves feed you more fruit."

Bofur jerked back to frown at Bilbo, eyes still looking unfocused and tired. "I don't like fruit."

"I know." Bilbo said.

"It's too sweet."

Bilbo hummed in agreement. "You've said." It had been a frankly shocking conversation. Bilbo had, up until that moment, never met anyone who did not absolutely love sweet things.

Bofur eyed her wearily, not sure Bilbo could actually find anything decent to eat.

Bilbo smiled softly. "If nothing else I'll be able to find some vegetables to fry up with some pepper."

Bofur seemed to consider that for a while before slowly nodding and rolling over and off the side of the bed. Bilbo just shook her head and scooted to the edge at her side and carefully found the step-stool with her feet.

The sun had lightened the sky to a calm grey colour that permeated the open room as they both dressed quickly and prepared for the day.

Together they managed to find their way back to the kitchens. Bilbo, true to her word, managed to find a number of fresh vegetables that would fry well with sliced potatoes and a couple eggs that Bofur had been cheered considerably to see.

They ate together in companionable silence, both still sleepy from lack of caffeine. Bilbo hadn't been able to find coffee beans or tea leaves in the pantry and couldn't help but worry that there just wouldn't be any during their stay. It shouldn't seem so horrible but until now Bilbo hadn't known how groggy she would feel without.

They cleaned up after themselves quietly before heading to the library.

Bilbo stood in the library entrance, taking in the size once more, before nodding to herself. She set out to follow the outer walls looking for somewhere to set up her things. In one corner there was a low table and some lightly padded benches overlooking an open terrace that would work nicely.

After Bilbo's things had been arranged as she wanted them and Bofur had decided to settle in for a nap on the nearest bench Bilbo found a piece of scrap paper and pencil.

First things first. She needed to find a way to keep track of what was where.

Bilbo walked down the middle aisle, counting the rows of shelves as the went. When she reached the end she carefully sketched the 10 rows out onto the paper into 20 long rectangles. It was far from the nicest map she had ever drawn but it would do. It was a fairly straightforward set-up, so anything more would be unnecessary. Bilbo turned to the closest bookcase and pulled a slim volume from one of the lower shelves.

Bilbo carefully opened the cover, sighing happily when the first waft of the old parchment reached her nose. She moved the book closer to get a better smell before pulling it back to get a look at the volume she was holding to her face. She turned past the introductory pages and found it to be guide for identifying plants.

Bilbo carefully replaced the book and grabbed another farther down the shelf. This time she found the pages to be filled with illustrations of trees. She made a note on her map beneath the first rectangle that bookshelf one was nature. A look at the next book had her writing ecology beside that.

In this way she managed to build a basic guide for herself. It hardly covered everything, but Bilbo had already seen a couple elves drifting in and out. There would be help should she need to find anything more specific.

Bilbo was looking through bookshelf six when she pulled out a thick leather-bound volume on the elvish account of the first age. Bilbo bit her lip in thought before quickly making a note on her map and retreating to the benches with the tome clutched eagerly in her hands.

 


	12. The Rivendell Shenanigans pt. 1

Bofur woke up later in the morning to find Bilbo thoroughly immersed in a stack of books, her papers scattered over the table and her nose in the pages. Bofur glanced out onto the balcony, fairly certain it wasn't yet noon, and stretched leisurely. She let herself watch Bilbo carefully leaf through thin pages for a moment before standing. She grinned when Bilbo startled at the sudden movement.

"I'm going to have a look around."

Bilbo nodded and smiled. "Do you think you could be back before sunset? I was thinking we could take a walk together and find somewhere nice to watch the day end."

Bofur gave a surprised laugh. "Well that certainly sounds romantic."

Bilbo rolled her eyes. "That was the general idea, yes."

Bofur walked around the small table, carefully stepping over stacks of books to press a quick kiss against the hobbit's soft curls. "Can't wait." She gave Bilbo another kiss on the lips before adding. "Unless I get lost. Actually, if I don't show up assume I've been kidnapped. You never know with these elf sorts."

Bilbo scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Get out of here, you. I don't doubt I'll be seeing you later."

Bofur gave a jaunty wave and left the library with a smile.

The layout of Rivendell still confused Bofur more than she'd like to have admitted. Standing in the hallway she decided to walk left on a whim, hoping to ultimately head down-wards. All the delicate wood structures and open views of the river gorge left her feeling high up and unsteady. Every stairway she found she took down until she found her feet on a ground floor comfortably paved with stone.

Bofur wandered idly between gardens and fountains, stopping occasionally to run her hands over the stone pillars she had found supporting the foundations of the house. She'd sleep easier knowing there was stone where it counted most.

Bofur continued wandering through what she had begun to think of as the basement level, boots steady on the uneven cobblestone and lungs taking comfort in the cool air. She was fairly far beneath the central home when the familiar smell of metal swept over her and urged her forward. Bofur easily followed the smell to a dormant forge and relaxed against a nearby pillar with a grin.

 

II

 

It was past noon when Bilbo was drawn out of her reading by the sound of plates being set upon her table. She looked thankfully at the simple food there, not having realized the time and suddenly hungry.

Elrond settled into the seat across from her and helped himself to a slice of apple as Bilbo did the same. "It seems your dwarf has made herself at home in my forge." he said, smiling wryly.

Bilbo paused to frown. Hesitating for a moment before saying, "Not causing too much trouble I hope."

Elrond shook his head. "No, asked one of my sons about it. Elladan then of course took it as an opportunity to have a pair of candlesticks he had never liked melted down."

Bilbo tried to hide her smile at that; she had of course read of Elrond's children before, but the history books always managed to portray individuals as flat facts instead of characters. Elrond's teasing reference to something as minor as a distaste for a set of candlesticks left Bilbo oddly pleased.

"They weren't important were they?"

"I suppose not. Any who would have taken offence at their destruction are long gone."

Bilbo couldn't help but laugh at that. She opened her mouth to assure they would be turned into something better when she realized she actually couldn't guarantee that. "I didn't know Bofur was familiar with forge work." She said instead. "Though it isn't really a surprise. Bit of a jack of all trades it seems."

"You have not known her long then? You seem... close." Elrond said carefully.

Bilbo gave a bit of a huff at that. "We only met because I thought dwarves would be more helpful for travelling than another hobbit." She waved her hands at the library as if to say 'here we are'. "I wasn't completely wrong." she added.

Elrond took a sip of wine and smiled. "I have not had business with dwarves in quite some time, but cultures as isolated as theirs change slowly. To be where you are now is surprising. A month is an incredibly fast friendship indeed."

Bilbo stopped short at that, surprised that she hadn't thought it before now. It was fast even by hobbit standards. She took a shaky gulp of her own wine and frowned at the table-top. She had known to some extent that they had moved a bit fast, but it hadn't occurred to her what that meant coming from a dwarf.

"How have you found the library?" Elrond asked, changing the subject and pulling Bilbo from her thoughts.

Bilbo brightened at that. Eagerly she recounted her morning to Elrond, asking questions about the set-up to better fill in her map and asking questions about a few events that she knew Elrond had witnessed himself. She had already filled in quite a few gaps in her knowledge and she'd only been there for a morning.

They finished their late lunch and Elrond excused himself with a genuine smile at Bilbo's enthusiasm.

Bilbo quickly pulled forth a sheet of notes and began jotting down what Elrond had told her, not wanting to wait another moment lest she forget the details. She wrote and she wrote, still crouched close over the parchment when Bofur returned to settle quietly beside her and watch.

When the sky started to first turn red and Bilbo was still absorbed in her writing Bofur tugged gently on an errant curl at the base of her neck.

Bilbo leaned back into Bofur's hand and finally pulled away from her notes. "Hmm?"

Bofur just nodded to the terrace turned golden by the evening sun.

"Oh!" Bilbo cried, quickly straightening her papers. "I'm sorry, I've got a bit carried away." She stood and straightened her skirts, gave Bofur a quick kiss then grabbed Bofur's hand and pulled her out into the open air.

Bilbo led the way down a narrow staircase off of the library, through a courtyard of gardens, and onto a bridge over the river with a clear view of the sun over the gorge. She stopped, staring out at the running water. "Let's stop here."

Bofur nodded, not particularly concerned with where they went.

Bilbo sat, letting her legs dangle over the side of the bridge. "I heard you found the forge this afternoon."

Bofur grinned. "Aye. Felt good to get back to making things. Sorry to say I'm a bit sweatier for the find. Actually," She settled with her legs crossed and began digging through her pockets. She gave a small triumphant shout before producing a band of copper to flash in the sunlight. "This is for you."

Bilbo gaped in surprise as she carefully took hold of the bright metal band. "This is..." too much. She wanted to say. She turned the bracelet in the light, eyebrows raising in surprise at the hammered designs along the outside.

"Unnecessary, I'm sure." Bofur said with a small shrug. "The elf who gave me the metal asked for a pair like it and there was more than enough left over for a third. Especially one so small."

Bilbo slipped it over her wrist. Bilbo couldn't help but think about what Elrond had said earlier. She took a shaky breath and asked. "So this has all been a bit fast for you, right? I mean, what are we..." she frowned.

Bofur was also frowning, watching Bilbo's lips move just barely as she tried to organize her thoughts. "Don't worry about being polite and just ask what you need to know." Bofur said with a huff.

Bilbo nodded a bit. "How serious is this for you?" She asked, twisting her hands around the metal bracelet. "It's not a quick dalliance or anything, is it? I mean, it certainly doesn't FEEL like it but it came about so fast."

Bofur grabbed her hands to still their worrying. "This isn't a dalliance." she said. "I'm quite fond of you." she added with a smile. "And no, this hasn't exactly been the most drawn out courtship."

Bilbo bit her lip. "Why?"

Bofur sighed. "When I realized I couldn't ignore my fondness for you I decided to skip formalities. I don't know much about hobbits, but I do know you live shorter lives than my kin. A traditional courtship for mine can take decades and if this works out, I don't want to have wasted time we didn't both have."

"Oh." Bilbo said softly. She squeezed her hands together beneath Bofur's. Bilbo gave a shaky laugh. "That's..." She still didn't know what to say.

Bofur saved her from having to respond by simply leaning forward to give her a kiss, hands moving from Bilbo's to frame her face and run her thumb's over Bilbo's cheekbones. She pulled back after a moment to rest her forehead against the hobbit's and smile hesitantly. "Okay?"

Bilbo nodded. "Okay." She glanced down at her hands and over to the now vividly red sky. She frowned and gestured with the bracelet. "This wasn't supposed to be a proposal, was it?"

Bofur laughed, the first full bodied laugh since they had walked outside, and grinned. "Definitely not. I think we've jumped far enough ahead for now, don't you?"

Bilbo smiles. "For now? You seem awfully sure of yourself, my good dwarf." She scooted closer to rest her head on Bofur's shoulder and watch the sunset. She laughed a bit before saying, "Don't take this the wrong way, but you still smell like the forge."

Bofur grinned at that. "Well I did warn you about the sweat." She shrugged her shoulder lightly beneath Bilbo's head. "Luckily I got lost on the way back to the library and managed to find the baths."

Bilbo perked up at that, propping her chin where her temple had previously been to grin into Bofur's hair. "Is that so? I love bath's."

"I know you do." Bofur said with a laugh, turning to kiss Bilbo on the nose.

Bilbo wiggled closer, all grin and sparkling eyes. "Let's go do that."

"I thought you wanted to watch the sunset. It's hardly over."

Bilbo scoffed. "It'll happen again tomorrow." She said. "Unless of course you'd like to stay till dark."

Bofur hummed. "No no, the sooner I've got a naked hobbit in my arms the better, I should think."

Bilbo grinned in agreement and allowed Bofur to lead her down to lower levels and through hallways she didn't recognise. The room Bofur finally brought her to seemed old and out of use, though there were still piles of wood stacked in the corner and the floor was clean. The ceiling was lower than she would have expected but beautifully tiled in varying shades of blue. There were only three separate baths, each set into the floor on three of the four sides, the fourth accessible by a small stairway.

"I take it these aren't the current baths." Bilbo said as Bofur set about filling one of the basins.

"Definitely not." Bofur was pushing logs through a small metal door at the bottom of the exposed side of the bath she had filled, seemingly familiar with the strange set-up. "It's a pretty old system, though you sometimes find it in the older neighbourhoods back home. Where it was difficult to add more sophisticated plumbing after the cities were built."

Bofur pushed another log in before going to a set of shelves set into the back wall. She grabbed a small lump of coal and lifted it to her nose, smelling it for a moment before nodding to herself. She came back to the bath, struck a match, and upon tapping it to the coal engulf both the coal and her fingers in bright red flames.

Bilbo gave a worried shout at the sudden flame and rushed to help but by the time she reached her Bofur had calmly tossed it through the small doorway to light the logs.

"Are you alright?" Bilbo asked, grabbing Bofur's hand to inspect the slightly pink fingers.

"Of course, we dwarves do well in resisting heat. It wasn't long enough to do any damage."

Bilbo sighed then scoffed, "I'm in charge of how hot to keep the water."

Bofur agreed with a laugh and grabbed an iron poker to tend the fire. She nodded to the water. "Go on then. Shouldn't take too long to begin heating up. It's deep though, once the top seems luke warm it should be hot enough beneath."

Bilbo sat and let her feet dangle in the water, noticing for the first time the closed vents surrounding the basin. Idly she picked at the buttons of her vest before finally removing it and setting it aside. She stopped, frowned at the vest and then glanced to where Bofur was watching the fire. Bilbo hadn't actually seen Bofur fully naked yet.

Suddenly the water couldn't heat up quickly enough.

Bilbo kicked her feet through the water, hoping to stir the water a bit and spread the heat. The room had warmed considerably for the fire so Bilbo pulled her skirts and under-shirt off as well. She was completely undressed and folding her clothes when Bofur finally glanced away from the fire to watch Bilbo with surprise.

Bilbo set the clothes aside, leaning forward with her palms on the edge of the bath. She gave the water another kick and smiled. "It's starting to feel warm."

"Is it?" Bofur asked, eyes fixed near Bilbo's chest.

Bilbo smirked, pleased, and gave a little wiggle. She hummed yes and said, "Do you need to be dressed for that?"

Bofur, finally looking away from Bilbo, quickly glanced to the fire and back. She gave a quick "nope" and hastily began shucking layers onto the floor. She hopped inelegantly as she pulled her boots off, trousers following a moment later.

Bilbo watched with delight as Bofur pulled the top half of her long underwear down to her waist, arms moving behind her back to unclasp the odd binder around her chest. It looked a bit like the corsets that had been passingly popular among the younger hobbits a couple years ago but for the opposite effect. She watched the muscles in Bofur's chest and shoulders flex and stretch with the effort, the light from the fire near her feet and the candles along the wall casting strange and sharp shadows upon every minor change of shape.

Bofur rolled her shoulders idly when the binder was finally tossed aside and the warm light travelled across her round breasts and glinted off of the small silver bolts through the darker skin of her nipples. She smirked as she continued unbuttoning her long-johns and finally stepped out to stand naked before the bath.

Bilbo grinned. Eyes travelling over muscular thighs to the thick curls between and up in a line over the dwarf's stomach and chest. She paused to consider Bofur's softly smiling face. "Take your hair down."

Bofur raised a brow at the command but did as she was asked, easily slipping the leather ties from the ends of her braids and shaking them out with her fingers.

"So. Can you join me yet?" Bilbo asked, eager to get her hands on the dwarf.

Bofur quickly stoked the fire back to blazing before shutting the metal door and climbing up to sink into the water. Bilbo hadn't thought it quite ready yet but with Bofur's movement into the bath she felt an up-swell of pleasantly warm water against her toes and slid in beside the dwarf to sit on the submerged stone bench.

Bofur wrapped an arm around Bilbo's shoulder and let her head rest against the edge. "Let me know if it gets too hot. Shouldn't now that I've cut off the air, but it could."

Bilbo, whose head was only just above the waterline, huffed in agreement and climbed into Bofur's lap. Her new spot was infinitely more comfortable than the stone tiles of the seat and with the extra inches the water only came to her shoulders. There was also the added benefit of Bofur's mouth now being within easy reach of Bilbo's own.

Bofur's arms came up to wrap around her waist tightly, pulling Bilbo flush against her chest, tongue sliding slowly against Bilbo's.

Bilbo squirmed in her grasp, pulling back just enough to slide her hands down Bofur's shoulders to her chest. She paused, breathing loudly through her nose to keep from breaking the kiss, before curving her palms over Bofur's breasts and running her fingers over the small piercings. She grinned, the buzz of Bofur's moan tickling her lips.

Bilbo scooted back just a bit farther toward Bofur's knees and gave each piercing a gentle pinch, nibbling at Bofur's lips when the dwarf stopped kissing to gasp and groan beneath Bilbo's hands. Bilbo let one hand move to slide through the trail of hair leading down from Bofur's chest, fingers scratching through the hair lightly as they went.

Bofur's hands, which had dropped to the curve of Bilbo's hips and thighs, squeezed roughly when Bilbo pushed her fingers farther down between the Dwarf's legs and pulled Bilbo closer. Bilbo had to bite back a surprised moan of her own when Bofur pushed into a rough kiss, teeth scraping against Bilbo's lips and tongue before her tongue slid in to sooth the sting.

Bilbo slid her fingers in slow exploration before bracketing the thick line over Bofur's clit with her pointer and middle fingers. Bofur growled, long and low, before moving away to kiss at Bilbo's neck while Bilbo moved her fingers in lazy vertical strokes.

When the wet whiskery kisses to her neck turned to soft biting Bilbo shifted her wrist to get a better position to swipe the pad of her middle finger over the bud of flesh in tight circles. Bilbo grinned at the feel of Bofur's arms tightening around her and the hot breath panting across her skin.

Her arm was completely trapped between her own body and Bofur's when the dwarf finally groaned with release, mumbling Bilbo's name against her neck. The buzz of her voice seemed to travel through her chest into Bilbo's, making the hobbit feel warm and happy. As soon as Bofur had caught her breath she was pulling Bilbo back into another kiss, holding her tightly as she littered the hobbit's mouth with quick kisses.

Bofur was still kissing Bilbo when she muttered against her lips, "Turn around."

Bilbo wasn't sure why but nodded, still seated in the dwarf's lap but now the warm kisses were pressing to the back of her neck and the top of her spine, while the hands moved to cup and squeeze her breasts. Bilbo hummed, dropping her head to Bofur's shoulder while the dwarf moved to kiss the side of her throat.

Bofur's right hand moved down to stroke over Bilbo's stomach while the left moved to pinch her hip. "Think you could hold yourself up a bit?" Bofur asked.

Bilbo frowned before planting her knees against the bench on either side of Bofur's thighs, the hard stone far from ideal after the comfort of Bofur's lap. "Whatever you're planning do it quick." Bilbo grumbled.

Bofur laughed at that, giving the hobbit another gentle pinch at her hip before sliding her left hand over the hobbit's bum and between her legs.

Bilbo gave a soft "oh" of surprise when one calloused finger slid easily up into her body, thicker than the two of her own she was accustomed to. She whined, high in her throat, as Bofur curled and wiggled her finger, pressing deeper. When a second finger traced along her entrance Bilbo's hips bucked instinctively.

Bofur wrapped her right arm around the hobbit's waist to keep her steady as she pressed the second finger alongside the first. Slowly she pushed her fingers in and out, grinning against Bilbo's shoulders when the hobbit grabbed roughly at the arm around her waist and tried to push it downward. Bofur leaned forward, away from the edge of the bath to press closer to Bilbo's back, ran her tongue along the shell of her ear and growled, "I knew you'd like this."

Bilbo moaned, pressed her hips down toward Bofur's hand and nodded.

Bofur wriggled her fingers, moving her other hand down Bilbo's waist to rub over her clit and grinning against against Bilbo's ear. She bit lightly at Bilbo's earlobe. Pressed a kiss over the curve of her ear and said, "I've just had the best idea."

Bilbo stuttered on a heavy sigh before dropping her weight down to sit on Bofur's hand and sprawl across her chest, hands grabbing at Bofur's to keep them where they were while she moaned out a soft, "Oh?"

Bofur hummed, fingers continuing their motions while she worked on sucking a soft red mark into the hobbit's shoulder, far from anywhere it could be seen in the day. She worried at the skin until she was sure it would bruise and then trailed gentler kisses up Bilbo's neck until she was shaking through her climax in Bofur's arms.

Bofur pulled her arms tight around Bilbo and waited for the hobbit's breathing to return to normal, thumbs stroking over soft skin. She kept her face buried between Bilbo's neck and shoulder, enjoying the soft skin against her face and the inoffensive smell of hobbit sweat.

"What's the idea?" Bilbo asked shakily.

Bofur shifted a bit and laughed. "Can't say. It's a surprise."

Bilbo huffed and turned to give Bofur an offended look. "Do I get a hint? Besides that it's likely to do with sex."

"Nope." Bofur gave Bilbo's hip a squeeze. "And as much as I love this I do genuinely need a wash."

Bilbo nodded and climbed from the bath to dry and watch Bofur duck beneath the water and scrub off with her hands. They wouldn't be able to get truly clean until they took to the newer bathing rooms stocked with soap, but the water could help with the worst of it, the soot and the excess sweat.

Bofur pulled herself out and shook her hair like a dog, then made Bilbo laugh by doing the same with each of her legs. She pulled the lever to open the drain for the water and then sat beside Bilbo to dry.

"Ready for dinner?"

Bilbo groaned. "Oh dear, yes."

 


	13. The Rivendell Shenanigans Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. More smut.

Bofur had been seated behind Bilbo, arms around her waist and chin propped on Bilbo's shoulder watching the hobbit write her pretty little letters across the paper in her lap, when Bilbo said, "I could teach you. If you wanted."

Bofur hadn't actually been paying as much attention to Bilbo as the hobbit had thought. Frowning, she asked, "What?"

"To read and write. I could teach you."

Bofur hummed. "Would that make you happy?"

Bilbo huffed and turned to glare at Bofur. "No. But I could, if you wanted. I'm offering in case it would make _you_ happy."

Bofur frowned in thought, watching when Bilbo returned to her writing and considered. She wasn't exactly burning with curiosity, but it could be useful. It wasn't something Bofur ever thought she could afford and it might be nice to know what Bilbo's pretty scribbles actually meant. She curled tightly around the hobbit, watching Bilbo's soft slim fingers hold the quill, the ink trailing in curved lines, then watched as Bilbo carefully filled the tip with ink before making another mark on the page.

"Yeah, alright." Bofur mumbled before giving Bilbo a soft kiss to the cheek.

Despite what Bilbo had claimed she seemed delighted by Bofur's decision, quickly setting what she was working on aside to pull a fresh piece of paper into her lap. Bilbo wrote out a series of symbols and then pointed to each in turn as she recited them in a song.

Bofur had memorized the song quickly, always having had an affinity for music, and after that Bilbo had set her to copying the original symbols while reciting the lyrics.

Their days in Rivendell seemed to pass quickly, their mornings spent in the library where Bilbo worked and Bofur practised. After they ate lunch Bofur would go on to work in the forge on whatever inspiration had struck her that week and Bilbo would bury herself in books.

They'd meet in the evening to wander the buildings, bathe, or skip right to an early dinner depending on how the day had been.

At some point the elves had provided them with a couple sets of new clothes, and though Bofur rarely bothered to wear more than the one set of tunic and pants Bilbo took happily to the soft dresses they had given her, delighting in the smooth fabric and flowing skirts. She felt like a fairy princess walking through the gardens with a short train of silk behind her.

Bofur, of course, would only say that she quite enjoyed taking Bilbo _out_ of the dresses.

She was watching Bilbo slip out of one such dress before bed when she said, "I had an idea a while back. Got a bit out of hand."

Bilbo's head snapped up at that. "What did you do?"

Bofur couldn't help laugh at the image Bilbo presented, crouched down and half undressed with her sharply frowning face staring up at the bed. "Nothing bad." Bofur reassured. "It was just a bit presumptuous of me."

Bilbo rolled her eyes and looked back to what she was doing. "Business as usual, then?" She said, giving a warm smile to show she was teasing before stepping out of her dress.

"You could say it's to do with that dream you had oh so long ago." Bofur was plucking at the covers of the bed when Bilbo looked back in surprise. "The one you won't tell me about. Even though you're not so subtle as you think."

Bilbo scoffed and crawled onto the bed.

"So anyways, that dream. Iffin it's anything like what I'm pretty sure it was, I may have a way of recreating it?" Bofur ended it on a question, eyebrows raised and mouth pulled into a funny grimace of uncertainty.

"Huh?" Bilbo's face was beginning to turn a fetching shade of pink that had Bofur's grin returning.

"Took a bit of doing. But I managed to make a, uh, tool of sorts. A strap-on kinda thing."

Bilbo's mouth dropped open in surprise, face flushing darker as she pulled herself together. "Bofur, are you saying you made yourself a penis?"

Bofur bit her lip and gave a slow nod.

Bilbo gave a nervous little squeak that turned easily into a small laugh. "Why?" She cried, perplexed.

Bofur began picking at the covers again, licking her lips before saying, "Y'know. Just in case you liked it better that way."

Bilbo bit down each response that came to mind, none of them seeming to really convey her surprise. She wasn't sure if she was more touched or worried. Instead she crawled over to where Bofur was lying on her side of the bed, pushed Bofur onto her back and set to kissing her bitten lips.

"You are ridiculous." She muttered, curling up to Bofur's side. "Let's see it then."

Bofur huffed and rolled over. She hopped off the bed and crouched to pull a small wooden box from beneath, then pulled herself back up and handed the box over to Bilbo.

Bilbo took the box carefully and bit her lips to keep her disbelieving laughter in check. When Bilbo lifted the lid she could only shake her head. It was surprisingly realistic despite the curling black designs over the length of it the black making it seem more beautiful than it likely would have been otherwise. Bilbo pulled it out to get a better look, giving a wide eyed look to Bofur when she realised it didn't just _look_ real.

"Is this weird?" Bofur asked. "It's weird isn't it?"

"How did you make this?" It wasn't at all what Bilbo had expected and she was burning with curiosity, embarrassment forgotten.

Bofur scratched faintly at the back of her neck. "Uhm. Well, I carved a wooden base, cut a few slices out of the wood to make it a bit flexible and then covered it with sponge and leather. Sealed it with bee's wax." She gave a little shrug.

Bilbo considered the straps and buckles and smiled. "Very nice, master Bofur.” She trailed a finger over the thick black lines swirling over the leather. “These tattoos must have hurt something awful."

Bofur laughed loudly at that and grabbed the strap-on back from the hobbit.

Bilbo laid back across the pillows, shifting as she moved so that the ends of her thin nightdress would slide and rest high up her thighs and smirked. "Well? Put it on."

Bofur nodded. "I must warn you, if there's a way to make pulling this thing on look attractive, I don't know it."

Bilbo placed her palms over her eyes and giggled faintly at herself. "Fear not, good sir, I shan't look."

"Oi now." Bofur huffed, "enough of that polite nonsense. You'll put me off the whole thing entirely.

"Now that's a bold-faced lie."

"Nonetheless, I far prefer your usual blunt little self." Bilbo could hear the rattle of metal buckles as Bofur turned to focus on what she was doing. A moment later the dwarf hummed and asked, "Do you want the shirt on or off?"

Bilbo frowned. "What? Off of course." Bilbo huffed and pulled her hands from her face. She was surprised to see Bofur still wearing the long underwear she preferred, the strap-on worn beneath and jutting out through the gap between the lowest button and the seam. Fully covered like that she really did look like a male. A bit too much.

"Definitely off." Bilbo added. She watched Bofur nod and unbutton the top half, pulling it down and tying the sleeves around her waist. "Why keep the leggings?" Bilbo asked.

"That, my dear hobbit, is so you don't get pinched by any of this metal I'm wearing."

“And what about you?” Bilbo wondered with a small pout.

“Don't you worry about me, I took care of my end while making it.” She tossed her binder aside and crawled onto the bed.

Bilbo grinned and eagerly pulled Bofur on top of her, wrapping her arms around Bofur's shoulders and stretching forward for a kiss. She laughed lightly when Bofur slid her hands beneath Bilbo's nightgown to push it up around her stomach, tickling soft sensitive skin as she went. Bofur pinched lightly at Bilbo's breasts before wrapping an arm around her waist and flipping them over so that Bilbo sat astride her stomach.

Bilbo huffed, leaning down to give Bofur another quick kiss before pulling back to remove the thin cotton that had fallen back into place. She wriggled backwards a bit, testing the feel of the hard leather pressing against her rear. Deciding to ignore it for the moment she sprawled over Bofur's chest to get back to her mouth, licking past Bofur's lips and curling into the warm arms wrapped around her. Bilbo loved the feel of Bofur wrapped around her. She always felt safe and warm. A good thing too, since Bofur seemed equally fond of grabbing onto Bilbo and just holding her for as long as she could get away with.

Bilbo pulled back just enough to give Bofur a questioning look when she felt Bofur's hips shifting behind her. Bofur just gave a shrug and a grin before dipping to bite at her chest. Bilbo shifted her weight, giving a little sigh when Bofur's mouth pressed around a nipple, her sigh turning into a moan when a warm tongue swiped back and forth over pebbling skin. After a moment Bilbo pulled away, shifting back and above Bofur to grab the length of the strap-on with her right hand.

Bilbo carefully held herself above Bofur's waist, pressing down slowly when she was ready. Bofur had clearly taken Bilbo's smaller size into consideration when she was making the strap-on. Though still thicker than a hobbit's erection would've been, Bofur had kept the length to a comfortable four inches. It was a bit of a stretch, more even than Bofur's fingers had been, but the width wasn't enough to hurt and sent excited shivering up into her stomach.

Bilbo gave a surprised laugh when she heard Bofur groan and looked up to see the dwarf watching intently with red cheeks. “Like what you see?” she teased.

Bofur frowned but nodded. “It's a bit more arousing than I expected.”

“Oh really?” Bilbo asked as she settled against Bofur's lap.

Bofur slid her hands over Bilbo's thighs to grip lightly at her hips and nodded with a smirk. “Oh aye. Shame I can't feel it quite as much as I'd like.”

“No?” Bilbo asked before rolling her hips in a circle while keeping herself seated. She grinned triumphantly when she felt Bofur's fingers tighten at her hips. She continued circling her hips, pulling a moan from Bofur and gave a sigh of her own. “Can't feel that?”

Bofur bit down a smile and rolled her eyes. “Yes alright, you've made your point.” She thrust her hips up to bounce the hobbit and grinned at the surprised look on Bilbo's face. “Now don't worry about me and do whatever you like.”

Bilbo planted her hands on Bofur's stomach and gave another rolling grind against her lap. She gave an exaggerated moan to accompany Bofur's more genuine moan and laughed at herself.

Bofur gave a breathy laugh and grinned easily. She propped herself up onto her elbows and smiled up at Bilbo. “C'mere.”

Bilbo hunched forward, hands landing upon Bofur's chest both for desire to be there and a need to steady herself as she continued to roll her hips. Her right hand moved to Bofur's shoulder as she leaned forward to bite at the dwarf's lower lip, circling her hips all the while. Bilbo's stomach fluttered wildly as Bofur groaned beneath her. Though Bofur certainly had no qualms about voicing her pleasure she wasn't usually quite so loud. Bilbo had to pull away from the kiss when she glanced aside to see Bofur's hands clenched in the bedding beneath them and couldn't keep the satisfied grin from her face.

Bilbo tilted her hips forward as much as she could to press her own clit against the leather at Bofur's groin as she continued her movements, heat sparking between her legs and her eyelids slipping closed. She felt the mattress jolt as Bofur lay back, hands returning to Bilbo's waist as Bofur gave another groan beneath her.

Bilbo grinned, feeling like she was on top of the world as Bofur writhed beneath her; it wasn't often she felt so in control over someone as independent and strong as Bofur. Bofur's hands were tightening around Bilbo's hips as she climaxed and Bilbo was sure they would bruise and couldn't be happier about it.

Bilbo tried to move her hips again once Bofur had relaxed back into the pillows, but the hands at her hips easily kept her still.

Bofur grinned up at the now pouting hobbit. Catching her breath she asked, “Now that you've thoroughly seen to me, how do you feel about somethin' just a bit rougher?” She gave a little thrust of her hips and Bilbo groaned.

The thought gave Bilbo an odd crawling shiver that worked it's way from somewhere between her legs and ended in a fuzzy knot in her chest. She stuttered on a breath and nodded in agreement. Bofur winked before flipping them back over and thrusting easily. Bilbo groaned and muttered, “Time to finally test that famous dwarven stamina.”

Bofur laughed, took that as the challenge it was, and lowered her body over the hobbit's, moving her hips faster. Bilbo wrapped her legs around Bofur's hips, the fast in and out of the slick shaft making that shivery pleasure coil in her belly and legs. She felt oddly breathless and light-headed, as if all her breath was going to forming sighs and moans instead of travelling to her brain and body where it was needed.

It didn't take more than a minute before Bilbo was gasping and arching off of the bed with a loud groan.

Bofur stilled, rubbing her fingers against Bilbo's sides as the hobbit shuddered back into the mattress. Bilbo smiled languidly up at Bofur, giggling when Bofur flopped down at her side and bouncing her slighter weight on the bed. Bofur shimmied her underwear down her legs and undid the numerous buckles around her hips. She eyed the strap-on faintly before shrugging and wiping it clean with a corner of the sheet beneath them and tossing it aside, then easily pulled Bilbo closer and curled around her back.

Bilbo laughed and wiggled back against Bofur's lap. "Now you said you made that for _me_?"

Bofur huffed at that. "I might have enjoyed it a bit more than I had expected." She moved an arm from Bilbo's waist to wave her hand faintly as she muttered, "Who knew pretending to have a prick could be so fun, eh?"

"You said you wanted it in case I liked it better that way. Do _you_ like it better that way?" Bilbo asked.

Bofur shook her head, moustache tickling Bilbo's shoulder as it swept back and forth. "I dunno. Maybe. In a way."

Bilbo smiled softly. “Well it wouldn't make me love you less if you decided you preferred one way over the other.”

Bofur was quiet for a moment. Breathing softly into Bilbo's curls before finally asking softly, "Is that your subtle hobbity way of telling me you're in love with me?"

Bilbo huffed. "It might've been."

Bofur wrapped her arms around the hobbit tightly and buried her face in Bilbo's neck, breathing deeply. Bilbo could feel her neck growing damp and worried faintly that she couldn't be sure if Bofur was grinning or crying. "Are you alright?" she asked a little uncertainly.

"I'm great." Bofur rumbled. She gave a light laugh into Bilbo's neck before adding, "Gimme a minute."

Bilbo nodded, pressing back into Bofur as best she could and grabbing the dwarf's hands at her stomach. Bofur just tightened her arms and rubbed her face closer. In the end it really was about a minute before Bofur pulled back and kissed Bilbo's ear. "I love you, too, Y'know."

"I thought as much." Bilbo teased.

Bofur laughed. "No, but really. I don't know how to say how wonderful you are. I feel I must be the luckiest dwarf in middle earth."

Well, if they were giving lovely sentiments tonight then Bilbo supposed she could do better than her previous attempt at a love confession. She huffed and rolled over, giving Bofur a soft kiss before saying, "Though it may not have seemed it at the time, the day you showed up on my doorstep to prod me into travelling was the best day of my life." Bilbo smiled softly. "I may have a lot of life left but I think it highly unlikely that a more wonderful or important day will come for me."

Bofur grinned, pulling Bilbo into a deep kiss that made Bilbo's lips tingle and her cheeks ache from suppressing a grin of her own. Bofur was sliding her tongue along the side of Bilbo's when she could no longer resist teasing the hobbit and pulled away. "What about our wedding day?" she asked in a scandalized tone.

Bilbo blinked slowly, fuzzily trying to recall what they had been talking about before slapping Bofur lightly on the shoulder when she remembered. "I won't even consider marriage until we're back in the Shire." She stated.

Bofur rolled her eyes. "Nice to know I've at least got a chance." she grinned before adding, "Besides, if I married you before formally introducing you to my brother and cousin they'd kill me." she paused to think on that a bit. "Actually they might kill me for getting this far. It's all been very improper."

Bilbo hummed her agreement. "Probably wouldn't have worked otherwise."

"S'pose not." Bofur tapped Bilbo's forehead lightly with her own. "I love you."

Bilbo huffed and rolled her eyes. "I love you, too."

They grinned at each other, Bofur unabashedly and Bilbo with a look as if she were trying to fight it but couldn't hope to manage, and curled together for sleep.

 

 


	14. Epilogue: Adventure Awaits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Endings man, how do they work? Hope everyone enjoyed this overly cute rambling thing; I had a hell of a lot of fun writing it.

Bilbo had been genuinely stunned the evening that Elrond interrupted her and Bofur's dinner to tell her she had a guest. Bilbo had gaped and sputtered and finally asked, "Excuse me?"

"You have a guest." Elrond repeated with a raised eyebrow. "He did mention that you weren't expecting him. I've organised a room for you to meet in. You may finish your food if you like."

Bilbo glanced back to her plate and the table. "Can Bofur accompany me?"

Elrond frowned. "He asked to speak to you in private."

Bilbo huffed. "Who exactly am I meeting with?"

Elrond gave an enigmatic smile and shook his head.

Bilbo gave a little squeaky hum before returning to her food with raised eyebrows and wide eyes. She ate quickly, giving Bofur a little shrug when she was finished before standing up to follow Elrond out of the kitchens and down the hall.

Elrond led her finally to a lovely balcony surrounded by pillars and trees with a stone table in the centre where a tall elderly man draped in grey robes sat. Bilbo stumbled slightly, struck with an uncomfortable familiarity that she couldn't place, as she moved around the table to sit at the second chair. The elderly man smiled kindly at Bilbo, setting her at ease as she said, "Good evening."

The man's eyebrows rose in amusement. "Bilbo Baggins. I am very pleased to see you here. I had hoped you would fulfil those childhood dreams of yours."

Bilbo frowned. "Forgive me, Do I know you?"

"You certainly remember my name though you do not know it belongs to me. I am Gandalf."

Bilbo blinked in surprise and then grinned. Remembering the wizard who had travelled through the Shire with his fireworks and humoured her as a child. Telling her stories and playing along with her adventure games. "Of course." she said. "How could I forget?"

Gandalf chuckled. "Yes well, imagine my surprise when I stopped at bag-end fully prepared to have to convince you to consider my offer only to be told by your gardener that you'd left for Rivendell months ago."

"And this offer?"

"I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure."

Bilbo scoffed. "I've _had_ adventures Gandalf; you're going to have to give me a bit more than that."

Gandalf grinned and bobbed his head. "Have you heard of the dwarven kingdom of Erebor?"

Bilbo frowned, recalling their brief encounter with Thorin and his nephews. "In passing."

Gandalf squinted down at Bilbo, seeming surprised by her answer. "There is a quest to reclaim it from the dragon who felled its people. I believe you would be perfect for this quest."

"Who is leading the quest?" Bilbo asked. She wanted no part if it meant leading strangers to Thorin's throne.

Gandalf answered slowly, as if he had to take a moment to recall the name. "That would be Thorin Oakenshield. They are only a few days away. You must decide quickly."

Bilbo sighed and shook her head. "I cannot answer now. I am not here alone."

Gandalf winked at that. "You don't by chance mean the dwarf who's been hiding in the doorway for the past minute, do you?"

Bilbo laughed and turned to look at the doorway where Bofur was indeed walking towards them, grinning sheepishly. "Gandalf, this is my friend Bofur. Bofur, this is Gandalf the grey."

Gandalf hummed. "Bofur? You wouldn't happen to share relation to Bifur and Bombur, would you?"

Bofur blinked in surprise. "Aye. Bifur's my cousin and Bombur my brother."

Gandalf clasped his hands together on the tabletop and bobbed his head. "I think that decides it then. You shall meet up with Bofur's kin and the rest of the company here in Rivendell. It will be good for you." He stood at that and nodded sharply.

"Now hold on just a moment." Bilbo demanded, waving her hands over the table. "They'll meet us here? Will they agree to that?"

Gandalf frowned deeply at that. "They must come to Rivendell whatever their wishes. I shall simply have to trick them into following the path here."

Bilbo smirked. "Well, Fili and Kili will be delighted if nobody else."

Bofur grinned and Gandalf looked in surprise between the two of them. "You have met Fili and Kili?"

"And Thorin." Bilbo added. "Back in Bree."

Gandalf huffed and shook his head. "Amazing you haven't managed to join the quest on your own." He said, starting to walk back to the doorway. "I must inform the others. Expect us in a couple of days." He paused just before entering the hallways and added quickly, "I'll leave it to you to tell Elrond he'll be having more guests."

"What?" Bilbo stuttered, following after the wizard before finding her voice and adding, "No. No don't you dare leave that on me."

Gandalf just smiled over his shoulder and waved before speeding his steps and quickly moving far ahead of the hobbit with his longer strides.

"I wont do it!" Bilbo huffed, "you'll all show up unannounced and it will be terribly embarrassing!" She stopped in her tracks as Gandalf turned a corner and disappeared.

"Really?" Bofur asked, coming to stop beside the hobbit.

"No." Bilbo huffed. "I'll tell Elrond. For his sake alone."

Bofur hummed. "A quest huh?" Bilbo nodded. "What kinda quest is this, exactly?"

"Reclaiming Erebor and defeating a dragon."

"Right." Bofur laughed disbelievingly. "Well at least I'll get to introduce you to my family before we all die."

Bilbo snorted. "Death by dragon. How bad could it be, really?" Bilbo replied in a falsely carefree voice.

"It'll be quick if nothing else." Bofur assured. "C'mon. Let's let Elrond know and start getting our things together. Adventure awaits."

"Yes, apparently it does." Bilbo smiled and grabbed Bofur's hand, thinking faintly of her now mostly finished manuscripts. It was good timing really. She grinned and kissed Bofur's hand in hers. "I think I'm quite ready for another adventure."

 


End file.
